It's a Girl!

here are the ultrasound pics :) I'll try to explain as best I can, but without pointing to stuff it looks pretty crazy.

This is a profile view with her hand up by her face. You should be able to see eyes, nose, lips, chin, a little fist, and the rib cage.
Profile shot again of her yawning, you can't see her whole head because she was getting comfy, but you can see her mouth all open just up and left from the caption on the photo that says "yawning!"

Another Profile pic :) With some spine and the cute little nose.

She's got some LOOONG LEGS. Her feet are on the upper left hand side, she was constantly crossing her legs at the ankles like a good little modest girl...guess that's a genetic thing from me ;) The knees are where it tapers in a bit then back out again for the thighs.

mandatory butt shot-the butt's on the right hand side with the two thighs extending from there. The three little white lines and the lack of anything between the legs=baby girl.

We're way super excited. Corban is even okay with it now. We just need to get Gabe comfortable with me holding another baby, as of now he's pretty jealous if I pick up any other child besides Corban.

Oh yeah, the other mandatory shot- the alien face. Let me explain: you're looking straight on at her face, you can see the outline of the skull, the Orbits (eye sockets) the Nose, and mouth. Her fist is the little white area RIGHT beneath her chin. She enjoys opening and closing her fists apparently, because she was doing that throughout the whole ultrasound and her hands were right up by her face a lot of the time.

We're half way there~! February 14th here we come.

par-tay!

YAY YAY YAY!!! It's almost officially October!!! Our Halloween party is next weekend! (October 8 from 7-10 for neighborhood/ward friends, and October 9 from 6-10 for Family) Time to decorate my guts out! If I don't have your address and you haven't gotten an invite as of yet- send me your address :) jamandack@hotmail.com
*I may or may not be addicted to exclamation points while talking about Halloween stuff...*

ps. my yearly DEEP DEEP DEEP clean of my salon started tonight- and we think we found the culprit for our fat fuzzy friend a few posts back...SOMEbody left a Halloween pillowcase full of candy on the floor of my closet. It had been chewed through several places. So there you have it. Your mother's been right all these years...if you eat too much Halloween candy- You'll be fat. and then you'll die. the end.

oh. and sometime when I'm up for it I'll post all the major CRAFTY things Gwyn and I did during her visit. Lets just say I learned how to crochet and went a little tiny bit overboard ha ha. Don't worry both boys now have a couple pretty hideous hats that I absolutely love. If you don't make your kids wear ugly stuff when they're young, you're missing the boat on this folks. Don't feel bad though- Jack's mom is an AMAZING knitter/crochet-er so the boys also have some MEGA darling ones that she made.

here I sit...

eating way too many red vines and sniffing a dryer sheet thinking about things to come and wondering what in the heck to do. I may have to pause and throw up half of these red vines but for right now- it's worth it. here's my dilemma: with both my boys I had an epidural during labor. I loved it. Sure they stick a giant needle in your back but after that part you're pain free my friends. ***if it works- if they get it into the right place*** For some it doesn't work and I've always felt bad for those ladies. The dilemma is that with gabe I made it to a 9 before having an epidural (if you don't know what that means you may not want to read the rest of this post because it's probably not pertinent info...) and now I'm wondering: "should I have just gone all the way??? could I have gone all the way???"
Several of my friends have used a "newish" method to child birth called hypno-birthing and swear by it. yeah. hypnosis. as in surgical hypnosis so you don't feel any pain but you could undergo serious surgery without any anethetics. Here's the jist of it- you're supposed to be able to go into deep relaxation/hypnosis to be able to deal with the pain as it comes. It also goes into detail about making sure you're dealing with any FEARS of parts of labor and delivery or the whole thing for that matter, and teaches you how to overcome any of those fears. So all in all you should be better equipped to deal with the discomfort of labor, the fear of labor, and the healing process much easier, quicker, and safer. So. Do I try au natural??? I mean I did make it to a stinking 9 before having gabe....and that was without classes. without planning or preparation to not have any meds. Do I get a book from the library on hypnobirthing and go it on my own? or do I pay $300 bucks to take the class with jack and get all their hypnobabies brand info? Or do I just pay $800 bucks and kick back and relax with an epidural???

That being said- we went to a bbq to meet some of the ladies that have done the classes and they all had nothing but good things to say about it. The husbands said things like: "it's the best thing I've ever done in my life. It strengthened our marriage, our communication, and our parenting skills." (I'm not even exagerating that in the slightest- this dude was serious.) The wives loved that it got their spouses so involved in everything, and loved all the techniques they taught, and really said they worked very very well.

the down side: The ladies that we met seemed a bit too....how do I put it lightly???.....open??? let me explain: all the new babies got hungry all at the same time at this bbq and what did all these hypno mom's do? whipped out their boobs and stuck a kid to it. No covers. No going off alone someplace for privacy. No "are you comfortable if I whip my boob out in front of you while we're talking??" One lady even said as she was undressing: "it's what they're made for so I don't care who sees. they're not meant for the satisfaction of men." There was even a circle of mom's on the grass that were completely exposed and feeding kids and totally okay with it even though there were other families, dads, children running all around them. We were sharing a pavillion with a hispanic family celebrating a child's 3rd birthday for crying out loud.

Uh. HELLLLLOOOO?!?!? Duh it's what they're made for. BUT I highly doubt that as we teach our daughters modesty there's a clause that says "if there's a baby attached it's okay to have your hooters out in public." I doubt that the lord that made us women and men thinks it's okay to show it off because "it's natural- it's the way it's supposed to be"... Cover up ladies! Just because our bodies are beautiful doesn't mean you get to give up on modesty altogether while nursing your children.

We left when all the infants started crying for food and saw what all the ladies were doing-or not covering up I should say.

So do you see why I am scared to sign up for a class and pay $300 bucks?? They're obviously going to try to brain wash me into thinking that hangin out in public is okay as long as 50% of the population has them. no. I don't really think that but if that's the only type of women that are taking this class then I don't know if I can handle it. I am perfectly happy being a strong, opinionated woman, that will stand by what I'm comfortable with. I'm open to new ideas, I'll listen and try to wrap my head around it even. But don't under any circumstances try to convince my that nursing in public without trying to cover up at all is proof that you love your children more than I love mine. I happened to really enjoy being able to let jack get that "bonding" time with the kids! I happened to enjoy being able to feed my kids any where any time and not worry about whether or not I was being modest. I love the idea of nursing in the privacy of your own home, or car if you're out and about-it's the crazy ladies out there that are so gung ho about it that pushes me away. It's the ones that say: "cows feed their young without covering up- so why should I." *seriously a lady said that on a message board about nursing...* I'm also sure that cows take dumps in a feild and they're ANIMALS not people. Why would I want anything to do with being even remotely similar to a milking cow??? Can someone explain this to me??? Like I said- I'm totally up for listening- as long as all breasts involved are covered safe and sound.

so what do I do?

A: take the classes that attract the women that think they've got udders and shouldn't have to cover up?

B: Read the book myself???

C: or get the epidural again only earlier on in labor and watch a nice movie while my body does all the hard work?

D:...

ideas? please tell me! email me if you have so many good suggestions it'd be weird to just post as a comment- just tell me you need my address and I'll send it to you.

Total Willies....

I screamed today.

not like an "oh!" like a real full on horror movie screech (maybe I could make money selling my awesome scream...). For reals. Allow me to explain.

Gabe and Corban had just finished eating breakfast and I had just finished wiping Gabe down so he could go play. I took my new magazine to the couch and was ready to just let the kids watch some cartoons and play while I put my feet up. Gabe played for a minute then I heard him walk down our hall to go get something else to play with. He does this almost every day- goes into his room and finds two toys, one for him and one for me. Sweetest thing ever I know. He usually comes out with books, or cars, or stuffed animals. If he brings me stuffed animals he walks up making cute high pitched noises-kinda baby talkish-totally sweet. Today I had my magazine in front of face when he walked up to me. He started making the cutesy noises so I put my magazine down as I was starting to ask "oh what did you bring me??" He holds his hands out with only one fuzzy thing. As my eyes try to make sense of what he's holding I realize it's a real mouse.
****insert full on scream****

My son found a DEAD field mouse somewhere in my home!!!! I quickly grabbed a tissue and took the mouse to the garbage and washed our hands. Possibly three to four times...
This makes me question a few things:
1-why was it dead?
2-where on earth did he find it?? (he kept taking me to the garbage when I was asking him where he found it.)
3-am I really that bad of a housekeeper?!?
4-how much does a maid cost?
5-why was it so huge? It looked to be so well fed-but it was dead...
6-why would I be less freaked out if I found it alive?
7-why hadn't we heard the mouse? or found any "evidence" of it's residency in our home????

total willies.
we will be deep cleaning tonight.
wiping down walls and floors with bleach. possibly the ceilings too....
I think I want to buy a Kirby vacuum right this second...
washing all clothes that we own....
and wearing gloves the WHOLE time. maybe two pairs.

My Confession

Hi, My name is Amanda Larsen and I'm a dryer sheet addict.

Let me explain how I began the journey down this slippery slope. Picture this: I am 4 months pregnant with my first child- one of my activities I enjoyed was visiting the store late at night waiting for jack to get off work at Carrabbas. I had a sniffer like a hound dog. I couldn't stand the smell of anything stinky. Barf-o-ramma. I realized I was out of dryer sheets one night at the store so I decided to do a sniff test on them to figure out which ones to buy-makes sense when you love good smells and HATE bad smells. I started sniffing boxes. Different brands, different scents, everything. I. Fell. In. Love. with Bounce. So many delicious smells so little time. I bought my favorite one at the moment and left thinking I'd be set for a while. The next day we realized we needed something else at the store so while jack and I were at the store I showed him how good they smelled as we walked down the laundry isle. He laughed a little but liked the smell of my new brand. It was all down hill from there. Every subsequent trip to the store I found myself heading down that isle to sniff more. you laugh but I'm serious. I LOVED the smell. I started placing dryer sheets in different places in our very tiny first apartment- bottom of the trash cans, inside stinky work shoes, under each of the seats in the car, in sock drawers. Mmmm it smelled good. But I needed more. I started putting one folded sheet into my pocket so I could sniff it on days of hair school that proved to be especially stinky...not the perms and colors because I happen to enjoy those- just when we had more clients that weren't exactly showering regularly. One in my pocket turned into one in each pocket, then some in my bag, then a box in my car. I'd put the ones that I'd had in my pocket during the day back in the box-down a few layers- to "recharge" ha ha. I thought it'd be something that went away after I had Corban-ya know a crazy pregnancy symptom-but it just helped more to continue stashing them after bringing home a poop and spit up machine. I did get back down to one in my pocket after the pregnancy but everywhere else always has one :) Fast forward to today. We have a box in both our cars or at least 5 sheets all the time. I still keep them in my pocket (only one) and usually pull it out when I have to change gabe, or do some bad laundry. I use them as book marks in books-the book I'm reading always smells nice. I have 4 in my diaper bag so there's always a wonderful smell when I open it. do you think I need therapy? Hope this made you giggle a little bit knowing that I am joking around- but not all the way- there's one in my pocket right now. ha ha. love to all.

Ps. for those that are interested in my vast scent knowledge regarding dryer sheets these are my favorites.
Fresh Linen-my current scent- clean and fresh although a bit strong for ammeters.

Spring Fresh- this was my first "addict" purchase- I wouldn't use any other scent for 2 yrs. I've since switched it up because then I can fully appreciate a new scent again when I switch back.

Fresh lavender- very sweet and girly, very floral (hence the name duh). I don't use these ones very often- just when I need to feel girly.

suppose I should do another post so the depressing one isn't topping the page anymore...

so what to write about?

jack and I went to a dr appointment today- we got to hear the baby's heartbeat. It was really strong and the baby was moving all over the place- both good signs. She had to chase it all over my stomach to get a long bpm to measure. I tried to convince my dr that we should just induce me at 38 weeks so that gabe and this baby don't have birthdays so close together...but she said no. which is a good thing that she has me and the baby's health as first priority not a calendar.

I'm feeling less nauseated 100% of the time- and more just random dry heaves- so that's good. but I guess they're not even that random- it's more just when I change a diaper, brush my teeth, smell something stinky, or see something gross that it happens. so that's a plus.

Gabe went to nursery this past sunday for the first time. He was a champ- he didn't whine, or cry- he just went with the flow. He really enjoyed it and even said "bye bye" to the teachers and blew them kisses. I'm crossing my fingers that this week will go just as well considering I've got my first sharing time to do...so I can't go get him if he's having a melt down.

I get to go to the temple on friday and maybe twice- because I'd like to go that night with jack, and the primary presidency is planning on going in the morning.

Saturday is a baby shower for a high school buddy and I'm excited about that. Afterwards I'll meet up with my family in slc and we'll do some fun things downtown with the kiddos. it should be lots of fun.

see? I'm doing better. You don't have to worry about me anymore :) thanks for all the worry, concerns, and love that you sent my way though- I appreciated it very much. I'll try not to vent so hard core next time so I don't freak anyone out again ;)

a little more in depth than you'd probably like to read...you may skip this post.

you know the saying "pull yourself up by your own boot straps" ?? I think I need new boot straps. I've got toys that need to be put away in their own place for the boys. I've got dishes to be done. I've got primary stuff to do. I've got releif society stuff to do. I've got floors that should be vaccumed. I've got wood floors that should be mopped. Let's not even talk about the fact that there's a pile of laundry that I beleive is so big it could be inhabited by a small family of midgets as a nice size dwelling. I've got so much to do and I don't even know where to start- let alone get to it. So where does one get new boot straps? I keep feeling overwhelmed- I'd like to just feel whelmed, not over whelmed. I'm not asking to have all my jobs taken away, just some of them. I keep thinking I want to run away to the temple for a bit- but then it's all there when I get back. I want to escape for a while and read but the boys tend to enjoy a good meal 3 times a day, not including how often I have to eat... I think I've hit the duldrums. Isn't that from a dr. suess book? I just think I'm not cut out for this play that I'm in. This part seems like it's too big for me. I know the lord keeps reminding me that I'm exactly where I need to be right now in sweet tender mercies, but I feel like I'm ready to be carried, not just boyed up ya know? I sometimes wonder whether or not the pioneers had any moments where they just sat down on the side of the trail and asked to be carried. Or whether the lord just sent the angels to carry them before they asked? I'm not sure. I do know that my sweet jack, corban, and gabe are just the best at trying to cheer me up-but I'm just not feeling like being cheered up. I feel like if I'm cheered up about my situation I'm saying it's dumb that I was frustrated, and upset about it in the first place. When in fact all my worries, stressors, and to do lists are all quite crucial in their own way. On top of all this there are things I'd LOVE to be doing but don't feel like I can allow myself to do because my other things I should be doing aren't getting done. It doesn't really help too much when loving friends and neighbors look at me like I'm crazy while I'm chasing my two boys knowing that I have a third little person on the way. Or when they say "man you're brave" I don't feel brave. I feel very small. I feel very inadequate for this job. I feel so scared when they comment "you're going to have your hands full." going to nothing- my hands are already full. sometimes I wonder if anyone has actually exploded from stress...people always talk about it "my head's going to explode" blah blah blah but really? am I going to explode? if so, I don't think that boot straps are going to help at all in that situation. I'm pretty sure most of my feelings of inadequacy are being inflated by the emotional roller coaster that is pregnancy, but the basis for inadequacy is always there to some extent. The times I feel the least inadequate is while I'm doing hair, or watching corban help gabe with something- and being a sweet brother, and gabe is being sweet back. That gives me gratification. here's the catch. I don't feel like accepting very many appointments successively because of the awesome nausea every day. somehow having someone do your hair while "almost throwing up" a few times doesn't scream "AWESOME experience" to me. maybe I need therapy. if I went into my dreams I have each night I'm sure you'd probably say yes. who knows. maybe I'll try to do a little bit of something for myself and see if that helps. wow...I feel a little awkward publishing this post but It was helpful to write it all down and make all my feelings visible in text. hitting publish post will just help me get it off my chest. right?