I think...

I'm trying to wrap my head around something, and this seems like as good a place as any to put it down somewhere I can refer back to it again and again. An aquaintance has revealed some pretty strong negative feelings about something that happened MANY years ago (as in before I was born...) and this person STILL has issues with it. So here's what I think: (keeping in mind that I don't know anything spectacular I'm just musing for a minute.)

Living in the same house on the same street for -- years is a long time. I can't imagine it. I can't imagine not wanting a little bit of change of pace by moving.

I think living someplace for that long starts making you feel as though you own the whole street- like it's part of what you should watch over and protect.

I think that's right where you could begin to question why a boundary should be someplace instead of another.

I think that's where you start convincing yourself that it's one of the biggest mistakes ever made with an area.

I think that's where you begin to doubt the inspiration and promptings of the spirit.

I think that's how the adversary works...slowly...steadily... with calculated doubts about our local church leaders and authorities, and their abilities to receive revelations for their stewardship.

As soon as we start doubting the Lord's hand in our everyday changes, in our callings, and in our day to day issues, we open a small space for the adversaries greatest tool: doubt. Like a tooth with a small cavity it can infect the rest of our lives if left untreated.

Here's to hoping that my small doubts each day can continue to be squashed by faith and knoweldge that the Lord is taking us where we need to be each day- whether it's through sunshine and flower patches, or through mud and rain- we'll be okay.

After having Chloe I had a BUNCH of doubts- about lots of things. About why I had to suffer physical pain, emotional pain, those types of things. I'd like to think that I've grown quite a bit from squashing those doubts with faith. I'd like to think that I did it on purpose. The real story, however, is much less Me, and a whole lot more of my Lord and Savior knowing exactly who to put in my path, who to send my way, and what I needed to hear from those people. Whether it was something in church, on the phone, or just the little day to day promptings. And for that I am so greatful. I know without a shadow of a doubt that my family can be together for all time and eternity because we have been sealed together in the temple. I know that can be a promise made good as long as we honor our covenants made that day. Nothing on this planet can take that away from me and I'm so thankful for that knowledge. I have a little picture of the savior on my computer desk where I pay bills. It has a small slip of paper on it that says Lean on me. It reminds me that we truely can lean on him for anything, small or big, and he'll shoulder that burden with us. I just wish my aquaintance knew this too- and could ask in sincere prayer why somethings change, and maybe that would help them feel more at peace.

No one promised life would be easy...

So why do we feel jipped when it's hard? I think I've come to a realization that life is hard now...and it's not going to get easier. If it got easier we wouldn't grow and progress. Sometimes I'd like to just not grow ha ha. But I guess that's not the point now is it? When we grow to understand and get around issues they'll seem easier so that's going to be my motivation. Figure it out so it'll seem easier.

Right now these are the things that are hard- that we need to figure out to make it easier:

• our *eh hem* busy kids.


• our mountain of debt that we're chipping away at with little toothpicks


• our paycheck to paycheck lifestyle


• trying to keep our focus on family and not on things


• trying to not worry about what the Jones' are doing...or buying


• trying to balance family with callings


• trying to get into shape


• trying to not force my opinion or "pearls of wisdom" on my sweet brothers that are adults and don't need my advice ;)


• trying to do everything


• not saying no when I should

The things that we are getting better at and the things that are getting easier are:

• time while corban's at preschool- me and gabe get to bond so much more while having a ball. *ADHD is easier when taken in one-on-one doses.*


• loving corban when he's at home and truly enjoying having him as my son


• loving gabe for, and with, his eccentricities


• loving my monster baby in all her "eating all the time...forever" glory


• loving our family time enough to have fun while sweating ha ha


• cleaning when I could be napping is getting there...still a work in progress but we're getting there


• going to church with my kids is getting easier because I think I've lowered my expectations substantially. minus the fact that gabe still runs up to the podium on a regular basis....


• getting to things on time if not a little early is totally more relaxing than showing up late and it's getting easier to do!

see? we're growing- like we should- with lots of room for improvement. This post isn't in anyway supposed to feel boastful, it's meant for ME to realize how great we're doing in the grand scheme of things.

ps. I'm SO excited to get to go to relief society on sunday! You have no idea! well I'll give you a teensy idea of why the change in callings is so amazing: a week and a half before being called as the stake emergency preparedness coordinator I was at an appointment with corban's therapist discussing how hard it is to get to church and feel like getting all the eye rolling I see from people is okay. The therapist (not lds) questioned if I could possibly be in a different room instead of being in primary with corban. I tried to explain why I couldn't just change to something else- that I had accepted this calling in primary. A week and a half later I had a new, non-primary calling. (without discussing this with jack, or anyone else in the ward or stake because I didn't think anything would help.) The lord hears even our silent prayers of the heart. deep huh?

Be not Ornery.

I've been a little stressed lately. Little is an understatement. It's okay though. It's okay because I have a great family. It's okay because I can still put one foot in front of the other. It's okay because no matter how crazy it gets we still have it way better than 80% of the world... I'm sure. It's okay because I can remember to "be not ornery". A phrase I coined one morning after waking from a horrendous nightmare (my stress levels are directly proportionate to how awful my nightmares are each night) and just not being able to shake the angry feeling from the dream. I called my mom and asked for help- I was so mad I could barely think straight and it was seeming to be impossible to shake. She reminded me to be grateful. Grateful for everything. During the Holocaust *I believe it was anne frank* there was someone that was grateful for fleas. When someone asked how they could be so optimistic and grateful for such an awful thing she replied: I'm grateful for the fleas in our beds because it keeps the guards out of our barracks. They don't check our mattresses so we can hide our bibles underneath them. I don't have fleas to be grateful for but I can be grateful for stinky garbage cans because that means that we have enough food to eat. I can be grateful for being able to serve. I can be grateful for a wonderful husband that works weekends for our family. I can be grateful that my children are in my care and not someone else's that may not be as loving. I can be grateful for the opportunity to live in a mission field type area- even though I didn't get to serve a full time mission. I can be grateful for the never ending laundry because it means we have clothes to wear. I can be grateful for Dr. bills because it means we can see a Dr. when our children are sick. I can be grateful for hospital bills because it means I was able to deliver a happy and healthy baby.

Sorry if I've wasted your time but I had to write this list of "things to be grateful for" somewhere I can remember to read it.

Here's to hoping we all can "be not Ornery".

My sweet gabey baby.

I love me some gabey goodness. He is such a little goof ball. He's sweet and funny, and just more and more fun every day. He's just blossoming with his language skillz and I'm pretty sure his only motivation is so that he can keep up with corban. So here's his latest funny. real people words will be in parenthasis.

Tonight at dinner we were all sitting and eating and he was saying "yook and my yeg!" (look at my leg) so I was trying to help him say the L sound. So my mom and I start going LLLLLLL and sticking our tounge out a bit so he can see what we're doing and copy it. Corban joined in going la la la la la la...and then jack and my dad also joined the L party. We started trying to have him go: llllllllllleg, or la la la leg. He tried it a few times and realized we'd cheer and make a fool of ourselves when he succeeded with the L sound so we started saying other L words like Larsen, and Love, etc. after a minute he wanted us to all cheer again because we were all doing the L sound again for him but he counldn't remember what L word started this whole thing so as soon as we all paused for him to say "leg" he said: "lalalalallllllllfeet!!!"
I could have died laughing. we were all in tears laughing and gabe started fake laughing because he couldn't figure out why we were laughing. Love that boy.


*by the by* we sold our pilot on wednesday....now we're car shopping on the worst car shopping weekend in the world...yikes. I say worst just because all the used car salesmen are out in full force to get you to buy more than you ask for around every corner. tragic. wish us luck!

What I wish I'd known

So I keep feeling like there's a reason I've been from here to there in my parenting roller coaster. I keep feeling like there's someone that could benefit from hearing about the pro's and con's of all the different things I've learned along the way.

I think mostly I'd love to share my info about the pro's and con's of:

• Natural labor vs epidural aided labor


• Dr. vs Midwife


• Breastfeeding vs Bottle


• Disposable diapers vs Cloth diapers (I know...how granola?!?...!!!)

Sounds like I've been there and back right? I almost feel like I need to have a nice little girls night that is meant for moms and soon to be moms to just talk about that- being mom! No selling, no buying, no pressure, just ladies talking about stuff they NEED to talk about. Take things off the "do not discuss" list- that sort of thing. I don't know. do I sound crazy?

Mi Madre

This is my mom. The woman that has taught me everything I know. Everything I know about being patient. Being Loving. Being Kind. Being Happy. I love and appreciate her so much. She is the epitome of selfless. I know my friends and neighbors know this to be true because she's constantly helping me with all my little issues, kids, or callings. She gives and gives and gives- without any thought to how much she has to accomplish that day, or week. The women of the Park Ward are lucky to have her as their Relief Society President. I don't know a woman that has more heart to give. Her testimony is strong and stalwart. She is faithful through and through. She is smart, talented and beautiful. I couldn't ask for a better mom. She is an amazing pianist, teacher, and book keeper. She is my go to when my kids are getting out of control. She is so knowledgeable about adhd and how to treat and handle it. She has volunteered innumerable hours to CHADD in helping parents that are new to the world of adhd. I can remember multiple calls every evening that she'd sit on the phone listening and consoling parents of children that were struggling with everything and didn't know where else to turn. I can remember all the time and effort she'd put in to helping us with school projects and making THE BEST ever diorama's in the world. I love her and only hope that I can be some semblance of a mother like her. I appreciate all she's done for me and I hope I can return the favor some day.

Love you Mom!

Corban = ADHD

Some people would prefer I not talk about this.
If your child were farsighted- would you tell your child to not tell people they can't see well? Or not wear their glasses because someone might find out that they have a disability?
Some people would prefer I not "label" my child.
Other kids already know that Corban is different. Adding a name to WHY he's different doesn't change the fact that they know he's different.
Some people say I shouldn't tell Corban that he is ADHD.
Would it be better that he just use his imagination to figure out a reason why he can't sit still like other kids his age? Or listen to instructions as well? Kids will come up with reasons like: I'm just dumb. I'm just not as good. I can't learn. Corban has a RIGHT to know that he is SMART and that his brain just functions differently.
Some people say there's no reason for a child to be on medication.
If your child were diabetic would you withhold the vital medication to make your child whole?
Some people say that he can't be ADHD because he's smart.
ADHD isn't a "dumb" disorder. Albert Einstein was ADHD.

Let me say this: Jack and I love our children. We would do anything for them. That includes helping them be able to thrive in this world, in school, in church, and with friends. We have taught them numerous things such as manners, self discipline, academic things like letters, words, numbers, colors, shapes, and about the gospel. We are now seeking help from professionals that can teach us how to further teach them how to cope with being ADHD. We are not experts on this topic. We will read the research on different treatment methods. We are tirelessly spending the small amounts of "free time" we have when the kids are in bed reading as much as we can on this topic. If medication is necessary for our children to be able to grow mentally, emotionally, and spiritually then that is what we will do in combination with teaching them the skills that they will need in life. Putting a child on medication to treat ADHD doesn't solve everything, it just levels the playing field so they can learn like other children. Medication will not teach a child how to keep their room clean or use words instead of violence- But it will help them slow down in order to think before reacting. It can change their response from: Ready! Fire! Aim! to Ready! Aim! Fire! Corban needs help. We will find it for him. We will fight for his right to be able to achieve everything he wants to achieve. We will provide him the opportunities to reach as high as he can. He is a very smart kid- he's learning Chinese for pete's sake.

We thank you all for your support and kind words. We welcome any positive thoughts, and current research that you may come across in learning about ADHD. We are excited to have a direction to go to help Corban become the best he can be.

with love
amanda and jack

nice.

blogger deleted all my followed blogs....now I feel so cut off from people! really lame- but true. oh well...something to do later I guess. Anyway...this is how much I despise doing dishes. Today I have: cleaned the boys room, changed all of gabe's bedding, folded their laundry, put it away, made breakfast, fed chloe like a billion times, made a growth chart for the boys to mark their growing progress on, made pancakes for lunch with homemade cider syrup (yummers), washed my cabinets in the kitchen, scrubbed the walls in the kitchen, read some books with the boys, and played a running around crazy game (corban's name of the game- not mine). ALL without doing the dishes...think I'm avoiding them??? and ps jack's now the 2nd councilor in the bishopric. he's my dish fairy...now what do I do??? pps. we really feel blessed by this calling- I know this sounds selfish but I needed him to get this calling for the blessings that will accompany his/our sacrifice- that way I can accomplish more :) So no sympathy please!

Chloe's Blessing

The single most gorgeous blessing dress of the century...and my mom made it. She's so so so so so talented. and she's my mom. neener neener.

She was totally zonked by the time we were taking our own pictures. I'll have to see if my fabulous professional photog can resize some of the good ones so I can add them. Enjoy these ones for now :)

a long shot- just so you can see how fabulous it really was. kind of delicious don't you think?

love

amanda

Reasons the Church is totally true.

1. Because it really is. just ask for yourself. seriously.
2. Because our Heavenly Father loves and cares about our problems. Every. Single. One. of every. single. day.
3. (the reason for this post.) Because we have prophets to receive revelation about things we need help with. Exhibit A: The article in April's ensign: Facing infertility with faith. I admonish anyone with access to a computer or the hard copy of the ensign to read it. Become aware of the families suffering heartache with this trial. Be sensitive and understanding. And for the love of all that is good and holy STOP asking people "when are you going to have a baby?" or "when are you going to have another one?" or "don't you want a baby?". Those are all questions of EXTREME sensitivity, and are intimately personal. Don't try to pretend you're joking because it's not a funny subject.

Lately it seems that I have been exposed to, or just hyper-aware, of many families that are having trouble conceiving, not ready for kids, or having trouble adopting. here's my story.

Some of you know, and some of you do not, that we were quite satisfied with just having two boys. So satisfied, in fact, that I went out and made MEGA awesome 72 hr kits for our little fab four some. I could see myself as the cool mom with two cool boys. I could see us taking trips and having a blast and not worrying about needing bigger cars, or costing too much to travel. I didn't have to spend wads and wads of green in every store that had cute girl clothes. We felt good about it. We decided we needed to go to the temple last April to tell the lord of our decision. We were instantly comforted, and reprimanded so to speak. One of the reasons I was excited to call our family complete is the fact that I deeply abhor being pregnant. It really truly is miserable for me. I'm glad for those of you that love it to little bits and pieces but that's not the case for mrs. larsen. We felt the spirit telling us that we needed to stretch further. Another child was waiting for us. now. don't wait. Stop whining. you can do this. I know its hard- but this is the reason you're a woman-that you're you.
Really. this is what we came home knowing. We didn't know why it was us and not someone else. I was scared, but comforted in knowing that it was precisely what was supposed to happen to our family. I didn't want to talk to anyone. I knew of no less than 10 close friends and family members that wanted desperately to have a baby- had been trying for a baby, praying for a baby. here I was feeling like I was complete with the children I had. We took a leap of faith and trusted that the lord knew what he was doing. By May I was pregnant. Many times I tried to avoid people because I knew of the heartache they were already suffering and I didn't want to add to it by announcing that we were expecting. I realized shortly into my pregnancy that maybe I just needed to be honest with everyone around me- I think it would have made it worse to just show up with a belly one day or to hear it through the grape vine. I started being honest with myself first. We were doing what the lord had planned for us and we shouldn't be ashamed, scared, or sorry for it. Prophets of old didn't apologize for bugging people before preaching the word of god, and following what he'd commanded them to do. Missionaries the world over don't knock on a door and say "oh, hi, sorry to bug you but we've got a message for you..."
So here we are- a family of five. Corban is too smart for his own good. Gabe is more the strong, follow the leader even if it's off the side of a cliff...type. and Chloe is giving us a run for our money-metaphorically and literally. We are stressed to the max most days but I guess that's okay. We know we're supposed to be here. in magna. right now. with all the craziness that seems to gravitate towards this little corner of the globe. with all the scariness that we'd rather not have around us. For whatever reason we're supposed to be pulled and stretched and pushed. We're doing our best to get a grip on what's important each day and take it one day at a time. If I look like a total wreck-please don't tell me- I know I look like a mess. That's what doing the important things takes right now. I'm focusing on my children more and less on everything else. I'm working on attaining more patience, and less worry. I want my children to grow up knowing that they had my attention any time they wanted it! and most of the times that they don't! I know that it's not easy...oh boy it's not easy...but it'll be worth it. I don't have to worry about what's happening down the road because we're not the ones driving. Thanks for listening.
love
amanda
ps. to anyone reading this, the lord hears your prayers, even the ones you don't say, the ones of your aching heart. let him in to comfort you. let him drive your family to where it needs to be. he's the one that knows the way you will be MOST happy in this life. promise.

Ring around the Rosies...

Pocket full of Posies,
Ashes.
Ashes.
we all fall down.

the midwife is charging us the full amount of her delivery cost. $1400. no joke. I brought it up to her at my follow up appointment. Her reason for not lessening the charge (I'm not asking for a freebie here I just don't think I should be getting charged for a service that wasn't performed) was that she has to pay $400-$500 per delivery to cover her malpractice insurance- k...so let me just pay the malpractice cost so you get nothing. duh. I hate money. I feel like I'm spinning and spinning and about to fall down. but I have to pretend not to stress about it or my sweet husband gets all down on life and stresses even more. so shhhh. this little vent will be our little secret. night.

*Edit*
Yes my insurance covers her services-That's something I made sure of before hand...a lot of good that's doing me though... they are applying $850 to my deductible, then we have to cover 20% after that on the remaining balance.

Chloe Mei Larsen

Born January 25, 2011 6:11 pm 6 lbs 13 oz 18 in long

here goes nothin-my hellish delivery story...

Hi. Sorry- been a bit busy the last few months...what with having a baby and all that jazz. anywho- as promised I will share this horrendous labor and delivery story with you. It will be super long and I totally get it if no one reads it but it needed to get written down.
***Moms that have been there done this shouldn't be too off put by this story- but I can't speak for ladies that haven't gone through it yet. Don't read it if you're a person that stresses too much over other's experiences.
Please note- I waited a month to do this post on purpose- so as to calm myself down and not be quite as mad about this experience. Any left over frustration you read in this post is totally earned and I have a right to be mad about it. (you'll see why.)

Monday Jan. 24th-37 wks and 3 days
I have an appointment with my midwife. First we discuss the details of my birth plan to make sure we're on the same page. Things like: no epidural, no stirrups, don't want to be strapped to the monitors longer than necessary- I want to be able to be mobile, and no checking unless really necessary *just remember that last one- count the number of times I get checked*. She also tells me that she'll come to the hospital when I'm at a 5 dilation to help with the laboring and make sure I've got the support I need to follow my birth plan and ensure that labor goes smoothly enough that I don't tear too badly. She tells me that when going through labor naturally there's no reason that I should worry about tearing at all- "she's going to prevent the tearing." Then she notes that I'm at a 4 dilation, and 70% effaced. So we talk options- after all I can't be waddling around totally dilated without worrying that a baby is going to fall out... Plus the fact that I'm group b strep positive so we don't want labor to go too quickly or we wouldn't get the full dose of antibiotic into my system for the baby. She says that we have two options- wait until I go into labor on my own- hustle into the hospital as soon as I know I'm in labor with contractions about 5 min apart and get the group b strep going and just hope that I get one full dose in before having the baby, Or plan a day to go in to the hospital- start the antibiotic going, then break my water to get labor going as soon as a full dose is in. I know that I'm not going to be pregnant much longer so I go with the first option of going in as soon as labor starts- with the back up plan #2 if I haven't gone into labor by the following monday (knowing full well that I'm not going to make it that long). I leave the appointment excited about having a baby and meet up with my mom to look for fabric for a blessing dress for the baby on the way. Walking around a few fabric stores I notice I'm having stronger contractions every time we get back to the car and sit. I kept water handy to keep hydrated and I'd done bathroom breaks at each store so I knew these contractions weren't because of dehydration or a full bladder. When I decide it's time to head home I have several contractions strong enough to make me think it's starting. When I get home I call my midwife to let her know about the contractions and she suggests getting in the shower and relaxing to see if they go away. I took a bath and went to bed- they were still erratic in timing and only every once in a while were they really uncomfortable. By morning though it was a different story.

Tuesday Jan. 25, 37 wks 4 days
I had some pretty serious contractions starting around 4 am. Jack got up and ready for work at 5 and I told him he'd probably be coming home so he should keep his phone handy. By 6:30 am I knew she'd come that day. My contractions were between 4 and 8 min apart, and getting slightly uncomfortable. I called my mom and got her on her way to come get the boys. I called jack and told him to head home to get me. By 7 they were 5 min apart as I'm walking around getting everything ready. My sweet friend April came and watched the boys so jack and I could leave before my mom arrived. Outside it was snowing big fluffy cotton ball snowflakes- now I really knew that I'd have this baby today- both boys came during a snowy day. I get to the hospital and sit in an office to fill out paperwork...which was ridiculous. What about the ladies that aren't calm and kind during labor?? anyway- the office lady calls the delivery dept and says "hi ______, I've got a lady here that thinks she's in labor...yeah....okay room 203? thanks." click. Not kidding. She totally didn't believe that I was in labor without being a total psycho. The first of the day. We head down to the room they've assigned me and my first nurse slash ogre introduces herself and tells me to get into a hospital gown and we'll start monitoring the contractions and check the dilation. ***I say she was a nurse slash ogre for a few reasons 1. she was similar body type to shrek (mean I know- but just wait) 2. she was about as courteous as a hippo- the man eating kind 3. she had hands and arms as big around as a red wood tree trunk- remember this nurse is supposed to "check" me...big hands= not awesome.*** She tries to check my progress- I have no idea what she did but it wasn't the correct way to do it- that was more painful than some of my strongest contractions I had with gabe. I told her to stop and get someone else. The other nurse was much nicer- both in bedside manner and technique I was still at a 4 and 70. I told them they needed to start the antibiotics so my midwife would be able to come and break my water. They hmm'ed and haa'ed for a bit then left. They monitored me for an hour and decided that I needed to walk around for an hour to see if that would produce more progress. So we walked. I did stairs. I ate a granny b's pink cookie and went back to check the progress. While walking I was having contractions about every 2 min and they were about a min long. I knew if I could keep walking I'd move everything along pretty quickly. The ogre nurse says she'll get the other nurse to check me. I can tell she is getting testy about this whole thing. She asks if I'm doing an epidural- I say no. Her response? "Oh man, that last bit is pretty hard, I don't know if you want to do that" duh. at first I was speechless- what idiot did I get stuck with??? then I just turned to her then said "yeah, that's what I hear but I'm doing this naturally so don't talk to me anymore about pain meds- but you're welcome to give me any good advice on going naturally." At this point I'm at a 5 and they want to monitor me for another hour- where the freak is my midwife to help me adhere to my birth plan that says I don't need to be monitored so much??? The nurses have been calling her and telling her that I'm not really in active labor and that she doesn't need to come so she's happily seeing patients in her clinic. Every time I lay down to be monitored the contractions slow to 6 min apart- thus the part of my birth plan that says I want to be mobile! to keep things moving! At around 1 the ogre nurse comes back to tell me I haven't progressed enough to do anything other than discharge me. She says that my midwife wants me to leave and walk around target and have some lunch and come back to get checked by 2:30. Lets just say I was kinda miffed. Where was my antibiotics? where was my midwife? why weren't they listening to me? I had done this before- twice. I know what my body is telling me! So we left and walked around target and got some kneaders for lunch. While walking target the contractions are about a minute 30 apart and about a minute 30 long and I can't walk through them- each one I can feel that my body is trying to move the baby lower but cannot because my water hasn't broken *usual signs of advanced active labor right???* I head back to the hospital and I'm still at a 5 but I'm fully effaced now. What do they do?? yes. monitor me for an hour again. check me again- still at a 5 because no one can break my water- because I'm not at 38 weeks and they don't believe that I'm in active labor. idiots. after another hour of monitoring the second nurse comes in to check me again- still at a 5- maybe 6 but she thinks I should just go home and get some rest. I held it together until she left the room- then I fell apart. I was bawling. Why were they sending me home? Did they WANT me to have this baby in the car someplace? Why weren't they listening to me?! I could feel that my body was ready to have this baby right then but couldn't progress without my water breaking- and my water will not break on its own- it made it to a nine with gabe. She came back in and saw that I was a mess- bawling and talking to jack and she took pity on me and said that maybe she could keep me for one more hour. She had another nurse come in to check me *about 4:30*. The other nurse said I was at a 6 and that I should stay. I could finally tell them I wanted to be mobile and to unhook all the monitors. I was able to sit on a yoga ball and things progressed very quickly as soon as I was staying mobile and sitting on a yoga ball. They went ahead and started the IV for the antibiotics and we watched inception *great movie* while my contractions got stronger. As soon as the antibiotics were in my system *about 4:45 pm* they sent in a dr *at 5:20 ish* who was already in the delivery ward to check me and break my water I was at an 8 and 100%. As soon as he'd broken my water everything went really quickly. I was telling my nurse that they (the contractions) were getting serious and the baby was on her way. She just kept typing on her computer not really caring that I was telling her that she should get her butt in gear. I started getting really hardcore contractions that were moving the baby down the birth canal. I told the nurse that she was coming- instead of getting a dr or anyone she just started doing some counter pressure on my knees (which was heavenly I have to say) and talking me through the contractions. The second nurse of the day came in to see how I was doing and let me know that my midwife was just going to come after finishing her last two appointments *it's 6:00 pm*- yes I'm serious she was finishing her appointments....Anyway, the nurse saw that I was in severe discomfort and pain. She says she's going to check me AFTER I tell her that this baby is coming. hello. hello. anyone home? I just said this baby is coming and you want to check me instead? she checks me anyway. "oh! there's a head!" I'm thinking..."what have I been telling you people??? Have I been speaking Chinese???" She sends the nurse that was doing the counter pressure to go get someone- she comes back with a handful of nurses- no dr. not really smart. Then it's serious. This baby is coming- no dr in sight and no midwife and they position a nurse in the "catch position" as she says "oh, I've never done this part before" nice. I had Chloe in about 3 contractions (about 7 min) and was really happy to have her here in one piece even if I wasn't in one piece. no thanks to any of the staff at jordan valley or my midwife. The nurse that was there to catch hands jack the scissors to cut the umbilical chord before even clamping it off...luckily one of the other nurses saw this and stopped her before letting jack cut. All of the nurses were pretty much in shock and saying things like "wow...I've never seen someone progress that quickly" or "wow that was so fast" or "you get a gold star today for the fastest delivery". While they were all saying these things I'm wondering "was ANYONE listening when I told them I progress this quickly???" obviously not. As I'm holding my baby and they're kinda wandering around doing their stuff and trying to figure out what to do next my midwife walks in. "hi amanda. You had her? Oh shoot I missed it..." again DUH. All these people had been warned. I had told my midwife at every appointment that it'd go this quickly as soon as they break my water. I'd also told her that I'm a bleeder every time and to expect it at this delivery too. I'd told every nurse that had come into my room that it'd go that quickly once my water broke. No one listened. So my midwife suits up and sits down to deliver the placenta and assess the damage. Lovely. She delivers the placenta and starts stitching and beating my guts to a pulp. I was bleeding pretty badly for quite a while so she had to knead my stomach really deeply for close to an hour. As well as giving me large doses of pitocin. My stomach was so deeply bruised afterwards that my stomach just wasn't a happy person for well over a week after delivery- which is totally not the norm. On top of that I had torn very badly multiple places-inside and out- because of the stress of such a fast delivery and the lack of trained personnel there to help. I had to take large doses of Oxycontin and 800mg ibuprofen to deal with the pain. Nursing went really easily which was surprising. Chloe was just a natural at it so it worked out well for about the first 5 days. Then I got a splitting headache that wouldn't go away unless I was up on my Oxycontin- the huge doses of Ibpro. didn't touch the headache. I also had a fever and chills pretty badly and was just in a whole mountain of hurt. I read up on the symptoms of mastitis. I called my midwife and told her I thought I had mastitis (an infection that can happen when nursing) she didn't believe me and told me to go into an ER to get my blood pressure checked. not kidding. She thought the headache was from a blood pressure problem. I went in to an urgent care clinic and they went "yup. it's mastitis." blood pressure was totally normal by the way. They gave me a dose of antibiotics right then in the form of a butt shot- nice...add insult to injury, and an Rx for antibiotics. We asked the dr at the er to peek into chloe's mouth because we suspected that she had thrush. Sure enough- she had thrush. I had mastitis, she had thrush. So much fun. So that's it in a giant nut shell. My hellish experience finally having my little girl.

We're both finally better. We're both finally able to get through the day without pain. It took 3 and a half weeks but we're finally there. Now just to get the boys over their colds...

because typing's faster.

I have to type this experience up before I forget the total awesomeness of it. Then later I'm sure I'll have a mega super huge post with pics about all the fun things in december. How about after I have this baby? sounds good. k. on to the totally AWEsome experience.
Cliff notes version:
*we had been pre-paying our dr for this pregnancy so we'd be paid off come delivery. awesome of us right?
*we found out our dr couldn't deliver (found this out at my 32 wk appt) for us and we should find a new dr. {um...both boys came at 38 wks so that left me with like 0 time to spare.}
*we found an awesome midwife to deliver and she's DARLING!
*our old dr office billed the insurance company DEC. 29th (thanks. thanks a lot.)
*we found out our insurance was applying ALL of it to deductible so we'd be getting less than 100 bones back...even though she didn't deliver a bouncing baby girl....
*probably a little cussing.
*trying to figure out how in the heck we were going to pay off this years deductible after covering ALL of last year's deductible...
*REALLY stressing about fundage...
*Deiciding as a new years goal we'd pay our tithing EACH WEEK instead of trying to lump sum it at the end of the month....hope it works
*how in the heck is this going to work???
*The math definitely isn't working....
*me- "jack please come home on your ever so short lunch break to give me a blessing- I think my head's going to explode from stress and I'm miserably pregnant.." jack- "I'll be right there! no problem!" (he's my hero.)
*it'll work somehow...
*oh wait jack's bonus (one third of our income people...) might be HALF of what it should normally be...
*it's not working...
*phone rang today. it was the old dr office. I'm thinking oh crap. we owe more $ or something crazy like that. This is the conversation that ensued. Her:"Is this Amanda?" Me:"yes, this is her." Her:"this is _______ I'm the one that talked to you about your refund at the end of last month..." Me:"yes, I remember..." Her:"well we've gotten the response from your insurance company and it looks like I told you the wrong amount for your refund." Me:"oh? different how?" (assuming it would be less). Her:"it will be a little more." Me:"a little more? like how much more?" Her:"$***.** (about 8 times what she'd originally told me." Me:"pardon?" Her:"yeah, your insurance ended up paying it in full so they didn't apply ANY of it to your deductible. Can I verify your address because I'm going to go run this to the lady that does all the refunds so it can get to you as quickly as possible."

yeah.
told you.
AWE some.
I know this is a direct blessing of us deciding to pay our tithing each week in full regardless of how strapped it looks on the front end of the week. Pretty sweet deal huh? pay the lord 10% and he'll make the impossible- possible. try it. it's fun.