Saturday, October 16, 2010

where does the time go?

I'm supposed to be doing less. I made this decision slightly before general conference and it was just re-affirmed that it was important when I heard the talk about slowing down- doing the important things and less of the non-sense. Yet I've begun a new business venture, started down a new avenue with my hair/make up skillz (doing hair and makeup for photo shoots), and found I have spent 0% of my day doing THE IMPORTANT things, and the rest of the 20 hrs I'm awake doing heaven knows what but end up feeling less fulfilled than ever before. I'm sure that there is a direct correlation between the amount of time I'm doing things that have zero importance on the grand scale and the fact that I've done nothing on the list of things that is actually important in the eternal scheme of things. My checklist may be full of checks but none of the ones that are checked off are important- none of them are bettering myself, none are family strengthening, and none are testimony building. With one exception- sometimes I am fortunate enough to do hair on someone that builds my testimony throughout the appointment as we have deep discussions of wonderful things, spiritual things, and I'm left wanting more. At that moment I should be running to read my scriptures and increasing the feeling of the spirit that I'm feeling right then, but usually it's the time that the boys are waking up from their nap and being everything but helpful (or so it seems). This week has not been my favorite. The fact that I ran out of unisom last saturday and tried to go without it didn't help the amount of rest I was getting when I'd try to go to bed and turn off my brain. The fact that I haven't spent any of my time just playing with my boys doesn't help. The fact that I haven't had time/energy to do anything that would make me feel like a better mother and wife definitely hasn't helped.

Tomorrow is Sunday. The day to rest. The day to honor the Sabbath. I'm going to make a list of important things and make sure that this upcoming week is different. I don't want to be sitting here next saturday feeling like I've had success everywhere but where it's important. I want to know I've succeeded in making my children love me more, I want to know that I've helped them learn and grow. I want to know that I've been a good wife. I want to know that I've done all I can in my primary calling. I want to know that I've helped someone in need. I want to feel better. ***And besides- doing these things that are more important eternally are usually easier on my preggo body- the hips especially enjoy sitting with my children instead of standing and walking to do other things.

(and as a random side note- if I meet one more new person that responds to my pregnant belly with a conversation like this: them-"oh is this your first?? me-"no actually it's my third, I've got two boys :)" them-"Oh my gosh! did you start having kids when you were 12??" I will kill them. promise. I can't take it anymore! Who thinks that saying something like that is an awesome thing to say?! Who the freak thinks that they have any say in whether or not I need their opinion about my family and how we're spacing our children??? Or my stinking age??? Can someone answer me? Really??? What happened to tact?)

1 comment:

Amanda Evans said...

I was pretty shocked at the things people dared say to me when I was pregnant... I think that some people have no filter between their brain and their mouth sometimes. I've for sure said some less-than-sensitive things, but after being pregnant I am way more careful not to be that person!

The Larsens