No one promised life would be easy...

So why do we feel jipped when it's hard? I think I've come to a realization that life is hard now...and it's not going to get easier. If it got easier we wouldn't grow and progress. Sometimes I'd like to just not grow ha ha. But I guess that's not the point now is it? When we grow to understand and get around issues they'll seem easier so that's going to be my motivation. Figure it out so it'll seem easier.

Right now these are the things that are hard- that we need to figure out to make it easier:

• our *eh hem* busy kids.


• our mountain of debt that we're chipping away at with little toothpicks


• our paycheck to paycheck lifestyle


• trying to keep our focus on family and not on things


• trying to not worry about what the Jones' are doing...or buying


• trying to balance family with callings


• trying to get into shape


• trying to not force my opinion or "pearls of wisdom" on my sweet brothers that are adults and don't need my advice ;)


• trying to do everything


• not saying no when I should

The things that we are getting better at and the things that are getting easier are:

• time while corban's at preschool- me and gabe get to bond so much more while having a ball. *ADHD is easier when taken in one-on-one doses.*


• loving corban when he's at home and truly enjoying having him as my son


• loving gabe for, and with, his eccentricities


• loving my monster baby in all her "eating all the time...forever" glory


• loving our family time enough to have fun while sweating ha ha


• cleaning when I could be napping is getting there...still a work in progress but we're getting there


• going to church with my kids is getting easier because I think I've lowered my expectations substantially. minus the fact that gabe still runs up to the podium on a regular basis....


• getting to things on time if not a little early is totally more relaxing than showing up late and it's getting easier to do!

see? we're growing- like we should- with lots of room for improvement. This post isn't in anyway supposed to feel boastful, it's meant for ME to realize how great we're doing in the grand scheme of things.

ps. I'm SO excited to get to go to relief society on sunday! You have no idea! well I'll give you a teensy idea of why the change in callings is so amazing: a week and a half before being called as the stake emergency preparedness coordinator I was at an appointment with corban's therapist discussing how hard it is to get to church and feel like getting all the eye rolling I see from people is okay. The therapist (not lds) questioned if I could possibly be in a different room instead of being in primary with corban. I tried to explain why I couldn't just change to something else- that I had accepted this calling in primary. A week and a half later I had a new, non-primary calling. (without discussing this with jack, or anyone else in the ward or stake because I didn't think anything would help.) The lord hears even our silent prayers of the heart. deep huh?

Be not Ornery.

I've been a little stressed lately. Little is an understatement. It's okay though. It's okay because I have a great family. It's okay because I can still put one foot in front of the other. It's okay because no matter how crazy it gets we still have it way better than 80% of the world... I'm sure. It's okay because I can remember to "be not ornery". A phrase I coined one morning after waking from a horrendous nightmare (my stress levels are directly proportionate to how awful my nightmares are each night) and just not being able to shake the angry feeling from the dream. I called my mom and asked for help- I was so mad I could barely think straight and it was seeming to be impossible to shake. She reminded me to be grateful. Grateful for everything. During the Holocaust *I believe it was anne frank* there was someone that was grateful for fleas. When someone asked how they could be so optimistic and grateful for such an awful thing she replied: I'm grateful for the fleas in our beds because it keeps the guards out of our barracks. They don't check our mattresses so we can hide our bibles underneath them. I don't have fleas to be grateful for but I can be grateful for stinky garbage cans because that means that we have enough food to eat. I can be grateful for being able to serve. I can be grateful for a wonderful husband that works weekends for our family. I can be grateful that my children are in my care and not someone else's that may not be as loving. I can be grateful for the opportunity to live in a mission field type area- even though I didn't get to serve a full time mission. I can be grateful for the never ending laundry because it means we have clothes to wear. I can be grateful for Dr. bills because it means we can see a Dr. when our children are sick. I can be grateful for hospital bills because it means I was able to deliver a happy and healthy baby.

Sorry if I've wasted your time but I had to write this list of "things to be grateful for" somewhere I can remember to read it.

Here's to hoping we all can "be not Ornery".