Making a Metaphore

So there's been a random comment rattling around my brain lately. I recall when I was in high school that a friend of mine said after her driver's ed class: "Man I HATE left turns. They're too scary. I'm going to make as few left turns as possible." I'm not kidding. She was really going to try to live life making as few left turns as possible. Granted, this was high school and we all know how wise high school students are- but really? As I've thought about this strange comment that came to memory the last week I've realized that most of us live like this to some extent. "I'm not going to the dentist- it will hurt to fill a cavity." or "I don't want to go to the dr because they'll swab my throat and that hurts." Even though in those cases- a cavity or strep throat causes us much more pain than actually dealing with it. How many places in our own lives can we apply this to???

I know I definitely try to avoid painful things- I'm like rex from toy story: "I can't handle confrontation!" Things in life that are confrontational scare me-they totally throw off my groove so to speak. I stress about it day and night. I try my best to handle them the best way I can to get back to being in a non confrontational situation.

As of late there have been two situations that have been exactly this type of situation. It's eating me alive to know that these things aren't resolved yet! Both of these situations shouldn't be an issue in the first place but some how or another are trying to make life miserable. I've tried to resolve both of these issues head on to get out of the confrontation stage with no success. So head on didn't work- then what do I do? I don't want this to be the "left turn" I'm avoiding or something. I want to deal with it. any advice?

While you're thinking of great advice to give me let me clue you in on a little side note I realized today. I'm a better mommy when we eat doughnuts for lunch. True story. I think it has something to do with the fact that the boys feel so much more generous with nice comments when we have doughnuts for lunch. That in turn makes me a nicer mommy. How could you get frustrated with anything in life when your toddlers say on the way home from Reams: "oh mom, you're the best! I can smell those yummy fudgey doughnuts!" You can't. My boys are definitely my favorite blessings in life *including jack and this new baby girl of course* I was going to add a picture of the boys in their matching red jammies the other night after their bath but I can't find the camera- remind me and I'll do it later.

So those are my two thoughts for the day: Do I avoid making that left turn now? and I'm a better mommy when we eat doughnuts for lunch.
Love
amanda

boys boys boys...

corban decided (and I say DECIDED on purpose because it was his decision) to get lost in a suzie's deals store the other day. *don't hate me for being in suzie's deals* So I promptly came home and made a double boy leash. one side for gabe and one side for corban. now my kids will be on a leash in public places without carts. no joke. I'll post pictures soon. and maybe even tell about the horrible no good day he decided to get lost. lets just say for now that combining a lost child with preggo hormones is not really the coolest thing ever. I did, however, eat my weight in chocolate after I got the boys home and into their beds. also not the coolest thing ever.

Because I need to.

I'm making a list of things I am good at. Call it positive reinforcement, or positive affirmations..whatever but I need to make this list for me.
*hair
*makeup (had to get those two out of the way to get to deeper things.)
*taking on more than I should
*not saying no- more specifically? to parties.
*going above and beyond what is asked. (example: one time in 3rd grade we were supposed to make some kind of indian dwelling...we made a full on wigwam complete with a leather patch roof, bundles of hay, and even had an animal hide (a piece of toasted Bologna) tanning in the front)
*scrapbooking- sometimes.
*stressing too much
*complaining too much
*reading to my kids- most of the time
*being silly with my kids
*being open to others' opinions and letting them share them without forcing my own on them
*not judging others- until it comes to them complaining about their current situation- then I wanna tap them on the shoulder and say: "it's your life- make it what you want it to be and stop complaining about it."
*crunching numbers- not so much at budgeting
*following my church leaders openly- without question
*having faith
*taking care of our cars
*not stressing about the spotlessness of our house (could be a bad thing, who knows?)
*listening
*sticking to my guns with my kids- I'm the mean parent. ask the boys.
*Procrastinating

K, I've listed 20 things. half of which are probably bad things and cheater things to list....I'll try again some other time when I'm being less pessimistic. I triple dog dare you to try writing your own list of 20 things you're good at. try it. it's hard to be honest about your good traits.

My life in binders:

I live out of binders these days. I'm not joking. I just realized this last night. I have more binders going than when I went to a few classes at UVU...Let me illustrate:
I've got two binders for Primary stuff- one 2" for meetings where I need all the nitty gritty info, and one 1" for just every sunday with lesson info and coming events and such. I've got a file for all my hair clientelle- lots and lots of 3X5 notecards. I've got a 2" binder for the Mary Kay info, training stuff, and product info. I also have 3 2" binders of MK samples for makeup color- I really am into trying before buying. I've got an accordian file for tax info for my two businesses. I've got a folder for client profiles for MK. I've also got a 1.5" binder for corban's Joy School lessons with all the unit info, and pictures for lessons.
I think that's it...
It almost feels like one of those young women's lessons about the different times we wear white? I just have a different binder for all the different parts of my life. I was about to say that the only thing I don't have in a binder is my family- but that's contained in a scrapbooking binder too... so there you have it. I live out of binders. Now that I've said this you'll start noticing how I always have a binder or folder with me. serious.

love
amanda

where does the time go?

I'm supposed to be doing less. I made this decision slightly before general conference and it was just re-affirmed that it was important when I heard the talk about slowing down- doing the important things and less of the non-sense. Yet I've begun a new business venture, started down a new avenue with my hair/make up skillz (doing hair and makeup for photo shoots), and found I have spent 0% of my day doing THE IMPORTANT things, and the rest of the 20 hrs I'm awake doing heaven knows what but end up feeling less fulfilled than ever before. I'm sure that there is a direct correlation between the amount of time I'm doing things that have zero importance on the grand scale and the fact that I've done nothing on the list of things that is actually important in the eternal scheme of things. My checklist may be full of checks but none of the ones that are checked off are important- none of them are bettering myself, none are family strengthening, and none are testimony building. With one exception- sometimes I am fortunate enough to do hair on someone that builds my testimony throughout the appointment as we have deep discussions of wonderful things, spiritual things, and I'm left wanting more. At that moment I should be running to read my scriptures and increasing the feeling of the spirit that I'm feeling right then, but usually it's the time that the boys are waking up from their nap and being everything but helpful (or so it seems). This week has not been my favorite. The fact that I ran out of unisom last saturday and tried to go without it didn't help the amount of rest I was getting when I'd try to go to bed and turn off my brain. The fact that I haven't spent any of my time just playing with my boys doesn't help. The fact that I haven't had time/energy to do anything that would make me feel like a better mother and wife definitely hasn't helped.

Tomorrow is Sunday. The day to rest. The day to honor the Sabbath. I'm going to make a list of important things and make sure that this upcoming week is different. I don't want to be sitting here next saturday feeling like I've had success everywhere but where it's important. I want to know I've succeeded in making my children love me more, I want to know that I've helped them learn and grow. I want to know that I've been a good wife. I want to know that I've done all I can in my primary calling. I want to know that I've helped someone in need. I want to feel better. ***And besides- doing these things that are more important eternally are usually easier on my preggo body- the hips especially enjoy sitting with my children instead of standing and walking to do other things.

(and as a random side note- if I meet one more new person that responds to my pregnant belly with a conversation like this: them-"oh is this your first?? me-"no actually it's my third, I've got two boys :)" them-"Oh my gosh! did you start having kids when you were 12??" I will kill them. promise. I can't take it anymore! Who thinks that saying something like that is an awesome thing to say?! Who the freak thinks that they have any say in whether or not I need their opinion about my family and how we're spacing our children??? Or my stinking age??? Can someone answer me? Really??? What happened to tact?)

Hello Ladies

I have a confession....I recently signed up to be a Mary Kay consultant....I know....ew right? Give me a second to explain myself please :)

Here's why I've done it:
A-I have used the products for the last several months of pregnancy and it's done **wonders** with my usually really terrible pregnancy skin. Their skin care is all non-comedogenic (which means it WILL NOT clog pores). My skin is softer and definitely feels loads healthier! Finding non-comedogenic products usually entails spending LOTS of money on skin care at a mall makeup counter-like $30 just for face wash-ummm, thanks but no thanks that's not in my budget.
B-Their prices are usually within $1 (either one dollar more or less) of my other grocery store brands that I've used in the past without having to spend the gas money to go to the store! A win win.
C-I liked the idea of having the ability to try out shades before putting any money down!!! (no more hoping you're matching it through the container and packaging pretty well while standing in walmart and having your kids try to grab nail polishes off the shelves.)
D-I had security even after I'd tried it- they guarantee ALL their products 100%- if I didn't like them I could still have options: I could try something else in exchange, or I could get my money back! Even if I'd used it all up they would have refunded it without having to jump through hoops because my consultant would do it for me! (nothing like walmart where you've got to deal with finding a receipt, being within a certain amount of time from purchasing, and having to make a walmart trip. gross right?)
E-The last several hair color appointments I've gotten questions about how to buy, apply, and pick out make up. Being that I'm already a Licensed Cosmetologist I can totally already tell you tips to do these things. Things like maximizing good features and minimizing not so good features- however I didn't have anything to show, demonstrate or sell to my clients to help them. The best I could do is point them in the direction of walmart and hope they had luck. That did not sit well with me. After all as any of you know from being a hair client of mine- I'm more than happy to try the cheap stuff to see if it will get the job done for you without breaking the bank, but I'm honest when it comes down to whether it's a good choice for your specific hair situation with finances in mind as well. I couldn't stand that I was having to tell clients to go to walmart and try to match shades as best they could, and find a brand that they wanted to try out first and move on from there. I wanted to be able to offer the ablility to SHOW my clients the right product for their face- SHOW them how to apply it correctly- Teach you how to care for your skin because after all- you only get this one face and everyone deserves to feel good in their own skin!!!
That's why I do hair- that's why I'm starting Mary Kay- Women should LOVE the way they look. They should be able to wake up in the morning knowing that they can take tools that they've learned how to use and care for their hair and skin and go out into the world feeling confident that they are beautiful, they are strong, and they can take anything that comes their way. Women are strong. Women are resilient. Women have skills that men only dream about having-you know it's true. We need to be proud to be women and we need to put our best foot forward everyday-including taking care of ourselves spiritually, mentally, and physically. Whether your morning routine is 5 minutes long or 30 minutes long- you need to be taking care of yourself first or you will be ill-equipped to take care of anyone else throughout your day. The better your self esteem is- the better you can take care of everything that women deal with in a day. If I can help one woman at a time to improve that self image, and self esteem I will keep doing what I do because that's what I thrive on.
Thanks for giving me a few minutes to explain this seemingly crazy decision. Now for the other details: I am going to start to build up an inventory to be able to give you on the spot purchasing power so when you run out of something you love you can call me and I can deliver your product that day rather than waiting a week for shipping-or you'd always be welcome to just swing by and pick it up. I also would like to offer all of you the facial class to test out the skin care that I've fallen in love with as well as trying to create a nice color look just for you- whether that means just a little tinted moisturizer to slather on and go, or whether that means looking at foundation, eye shadow colors, and cheek colors-the whole nine yards. Either way I'd be happy to show you them anytime- if you've got a cut, color, or style coming up plan on me asking if you'd like to go over some while you're already at my house- you're welcome to say yes or no! Otherwise I'd also be happy to come to your home and show you anything you'd like to try out and feel free to make it a girls night and invite some friends- the more the merrier!

Thanks agian!

Sincerely Yours,
Amanda Larsen
~increasing women's self esteem one person at a time~

It's a Girl!

here are the ultrasound pics :) I'll try to explain as best I can, but without pointing to stuff it looks pretty crazy.

This is a profile view with her hand up by her face. You should be able to see eyes, nose, lips, chin, a little fist, and the rib cage.
Profile shot again of her yawning, you can't see her whole head because she was getting comfy, but you can see her mouth all open just up and left from the caption on the photo that says "yawning!"

Another Profile pic :) With some spine and the cute little nose.

She's got some LOOONG LEGS. Her feet are on the upper left hand side, she was constantly crossing her legs at the ankles like a good little modest girl...guess that's a genetic thing from me ;) The knees are where it tapers in a bit then back out again for the thighs.

mandatory butt shot-the butt's on the right hand side with the two thighs extending from there. The three little white lines and the lack of anything between the legs=baby girl.

We're way super excited. Corban is even okay with it now. We just need to get Gabe comfortable with me holding another baby, as of now he's pretty jealous if I pick up any other child besides Corban.

Oh yeah, the other mandatory shot- the alien face. Let me explain: you're looking straight on at her face, you can see the outline of the skull, the Orbits (eye sockets) the Nose, and mouth. Her fist is the little white area RIGHT beneath her chin. She enjoys opening and closing her fists apparently, because she was doing that throughout the whole ultrasound and her hands were right up by her face a lot of the time.

We're half way there~! February 14th here we come.

par-tay!

YAY YAY YAY!!! It's almost officially October!!! Our Halloween party is next weekend! (October 8 from 7-10 for neighborhood/ward friends, and October 9 from 6-10 for Family) Time to decorate my guts out! If I don't have your address and you haven't gotten an invite as of yet- send me your address :) jamandack@hotmail.com
*I may or may not be addicted to exclamation points while talking about Halloween stuff...*

ps. my yearly DEEP DEEP DEEP clean of my salon started tonight- and we think we found the culprit for our fat fuzzy friend a few posts back...SOMEbody left a Halloween pillowcase full of candy on the floor of my closet. It had been chewed through several places. So there you have it. Your mother's been right all these years...if you eat too much Halloween candy- You'll be fat. and then you'll die. the end.

oh. and sometime when I'm up for it I'll post all the major CRAFTY things Gwyn and I did during her visit. Lets just say I learned how to crochet and went a little tiny bit overboard ha ha. Don't worry both boys now have a couple pretty hideous hats that I absolutely love. If you don't make your kids wear ugly stuff when they're young, you're missing the boat on this folks. Don't feel bad though- Jack's mom is an AMAZING knitter/crochet-er so the boys also have some MEGA darling ones that she made.

here I sit...

eating way too many red vines and sniffing a dryer sheet thinking about things to come and wondering what in the heck to do. I may have to pause and throw up half of these red vines but for right now- it's worth it. here's my dilemma: with both my boys I had an epidural during labor. I loved it. Sure they stick a giant needle in your back but after that part you're pain free my friends. ***if it works- if they get it into the right place*** For some it doesn't work and I've always felt bad for those ladies. The dilemma is that with gabe I made it to a 9 before having an epidural (if you don't know what that means you may not want to read the rest of this post because it's probably not pertinent info...) and now I'm wondering: "should I have just gone all the way??? could I have gone all the way???"
Several of my friends have used a "newish" method to child birth called hypno-birthing and swear by it. yeah. hypnosis. as in surgical hypnosis so you don't feel any pain but you could undergo serious surgery without any anethetics. Here's the jist of it- you're supposed to be able to go into deep relaxation/hypnosis to be able to deal with the pain as it comes. It also goes into detail about making sure you're dealing with any FEARS of parts of labor and delivery or the whole thing for that matter, and teaches you how to overcome any of those fears. So all in all you should be better equipped to deal with the discomfort of labor, the fear of labor, and the healing process much easier, quicker, and safer. So. Do I try au natural??? I mean I did make it to a stinking 9 before having gabe....and that was without classes. without planning or preparation to not have any meds. Do I get a book from the library on hypnobirthing and go it on my own? or do I pay $300 bucks to take the class with jack and get all their hypnobabies brand info? Or do I just pay $800 bucks and kick back and relax with an epidural???

That being said- we went to a bbq to meet some of the ladies that have done the classes and they all had nothing but good things to say about it. The husbands said things like: "it's the best thing I've ever done in my life. It strengthened our marriage, our communication, and our parenting skills." (I'm not even exagerating that in the slightest- this dude was serious.) The wives loved that it got their spouses so involved in everything, and loved all the techniques they taught, and really said they worked very very well.

the down side: The ladies that we met seemed a bit too....how do I put it lightly???.....open??? let me explain: all the new babies got hungry all at the same time at this bbq and what did all these hypno mom's do? whipped out their boobs and stuck a kid to it. No covers. No going off alone someplace for privacy. No "are you comfortable if I whip my boob out in front of you while we're talking??" One lady even said as she was undressing: "it's what they're made for so I don't care who sees. they're not meant for the satisfaction of men." There was even a circle of mom's on the grass that were completely exposed and feeding kids and totally okay with it even though there were other families, dads, children running all around them. We were sharing a pavillion with a hispanic family celebrating a child's 3rd birthday for crying out loud.

Uh. HELLLLLOOOO?!?!? Duh it's what they're made for. BUT I highly doubt that as we teach our daughters modesty there's a clause that says "if there's a baby attached it's okay to have your hooters out in public." I doubt that the lord that made us women and men thinks it's okay to show it off because "it's natural- it's the way it's supposed to be"... Cover up ladies! Just because our bodies are beautiful doesn't mean you get to give up on modesty altogether while nursing your children.

We left when all the infants started crying for food and saw what all the ladies were doing-or not covering up I should say.

So do you see why I am scared to sign up for a class and pay $300 bucks?? They're obviously going to try to brain wash me into thinking that hangin out in public is okay as long as 50% of the population has them. no. I don't really think that but if that's the only type of women that are taking this class then I don't know if I can handle it. I am perfectly happy being a strong, opinionated woman, that will stand by what I'm comfortable with. I'm open to new ideas, I'll listen and try to wrap my head around it even. But don't under any circumstances try to convince my that nursing in public without trying to cover up at all is proof that you love your children more than I love mine. I happened to really enjoy being able to let jack get that "bonding" time with the kids! I happened to enjoy being able to feed my kids any where any time and not worry about whether or not I was being modest. I love the idea of nursing in the privacy of your own home, or car if you're out and about-it's the crazy ladies out there that are so gung ho about it that pushes me away. It's the ones that say: "cows feed their young without covering up- so why should I." *seriously a lady said that on a message board about nursing...* I'm also sure that cows take dumps in a feild and they're ANIMALS not people. Why would I want anything to do with being even remotely similar to a milking cow??? Can someone explain this to me??? Like I said- I'm totally up for listening- as long as all breasts involved are covered safe and sound.

so what do I do?

A: take the classes that attract the women that think they've got udders and shouldn't have to cover up?

B: Read the book myself???

C: or get the epidural again only earlier on in labor and watch a nice movie while my body does all the hard work?

D:...

ideas? please tell me! email me if you have so many good suggestions it'd be weird to just post as a comment- just tell me you need my address and I'll send it to you.

Total Willies....

I screamed today.

not like an "oh!" like a real full on horror movie screech (maybe I could make money selling my awesome scream...). For reals. Allow me to explain.

Gabe and Corban had just finished eating breakfast and I had just finished wiping Gabe down so he could go play. I took my new magazine to the couch and was ready to just let the kids watch some cartoons and play while I put my feet up. Gabe played for a minute then I heard him walk down our hall to go get something else to play with. He does this almost every day- goes into his room and finds two toys, one for him and one for me. Sweetest thing ever I know. He usually comes out with books, or cars, or stuffed animals. If he brings me stuffed animals he walks up making cute high pitched noises-kinda baby talkish-totally sweet. Today I had my magazine in front of face when he walked up to me. He started making the cutesy noises so I put my magazine down as I was starting to ask "oh what did you bring me??" He holds his hands out with only one fuzzy thing. As my eyes try to make sense of what he's holding I realize it's a real mouse.
****insert full on scream****

My son found a DEAD field mouse somewhere in my home!!!! I quickly grabbed a tissue and took the mouse to the garbage and washed our hands. Possibly three to four times...
This makes me question a few things:
1-why was it dead?
2-where on earth did he find it?? (he kept taking me to the garbage when I was asking him where he found it.)
3-am I really that bad of a housekeeper?!?
4-how much does a maid cost?
5-why was it so huge? It looked to be so well fed-but it was dead...
6-why would I be less freaked out if I found it alive?
7-why hadn't we heard the mouse? or found any "evidence" of it's residency in our home????

total willies.
we will be deep cleaning tonight.
wiping down walls and floors with bleach. possibly the ceilings too....
I think I want to buy a Kirby vacuum right this second...
washing all clothes that we own....
and wearing gloves the WHOLE time. maybe two pairs.

My Confession

Hi, My name is Amanda Larsen and I'm a dryer sheet addict.

Let me explain how I began the journey down this slippery slope. Picture this: I am 4 months pregnant with my first child- one of my activities I enjoyed was visiting the store late at night waiting for jack to get off work at Carrabbas. I had a sniffer like a hound dog. I couldn't stand the smell of anything stinky. Barf-o-ramma. I realized I was out of dryer sheets one night at the store so I decided to do a sniff test on them to figure out which ones to buy-makes sense when you love good smells and HATE bad smells. I started sniffing boxes. Different brands, different scents, everything. I. Fell. In. Love. with Bounce. So many delicious smells so little time. I bought my favorite one at the moment and left thinking I'd be set for a while. The next day we realized we needed something else at the store so while jack and I were at the store I showed him how good they smelled as we walked down the laundry isle. He laughed a little but liked the smell of my new brand. It was all down hill from there. Every subsequent trip to the store I found myself heading down that isle to sniff more. you laugh but I'm serious. I LOVED the smell. I started placing dryer sheets in different places in our very tiny first apartment- bottom of the trash cans, inside stinky work shoes, under each of the seats in the car, in sock drawers. Mmmm it smelled good. But I needed more. I started putting one folded sheet into my pocket so I could sniff it on days of hair school that proved to be especially stinky...not the perms and colors because I happen to enjoy those- just when we had more clients that weren't exactly showering regularly. One in my pocket turned into one in each pocket, then some in my bag, then a box in my car. I'd put the ones that I'd had in my pocket during the day back in the box-down a few layers- to "recharge" ha ha. I thought it'd be something that went away after I had Corban-ya know a crazy pregnancy symptom-but it just helped more to continue stashing them after bringing home a poop and spit up machine. I did get back down to one in my pocket after the pregnancy but everywhere else always has one :) Fast forward to today. We have a box in both our cars or at least 5 sheets all the time. I still keep them in my pocket (only one) and usually pull it out when I have to change gabe, or do some bad laundry. I use them as book marks in books-the book I'm reading always smells nice. I have 4 in my diaper bag so there's always a wonderful smell when I open it. do you think I need therapy? Hope this made you giggle a little bit knowing that I am joking around- but not all the way- there's one in my pocket right now. ha ha. love to all.

Ps. for those that are interested in my vast scent knowledge regarding dryer sheets these are my favorites.
Fresh Linen-my current scent- clean and fresh although a bit strong for ammeters.

Spring Fresh- this was my first "addict" purchase- I wouldn't use any other scent for 2 yrs. I've since switched it up because then I can fully appreciate a new scent again when I switch back.

Fresh lavender- very sweet and girly, very floral (hence the name duh). I don't use these ones very often- just when I need to feel girly.

suppose I should do another post so the depressing one isn't topping the page anymore...

so what to write about?

jack and I went to a dr appointment today- we got to hear the baby's heartbeat. It was really strong and the baby was moving all over the place- both good signs. She had to chase it all over my stomach to get a long bpm to measure. I tried to convince my dr that we should just induce me at 38 weeks so that gabe and this baby don't have birthdays so close together...but she said no. which is a good thing that she has me and the baby's health as first priority not a calendar.

I'm feeling less nauseated 100% of the time- and more just random dry heaves- so that's good. but I guess they're not even that random- it's more just when I change a diaper, brush my teeth, smell something stinky, or see something gross that it happens. so that's a plus.

Gabe went to nursery this past sunday for the first time. He was a champ- he didn't whine, or cry- he just went with the flow. He really enjoyed it and even said "bye bye" to the teachers and blew them kisses. I'm crossing my fingers that this week will go just as well considering I've got my first sharing time to do...so I can't go get him if he's having a melt down.

I get to go to the temple on friday and maybe twice- because I'd like to go that night with jack, and the primary presidency is planning on going in the morning.

Saturday is a baby shower for a high school buddy and I'm excited about that. Afterwards I'll meet up with my family in slc and we'll do some fun things downtown with the kiddos. it should be lots of fun.

see? I'm doing better. You don't have to worry about me anymore :) thanks for all the worry, concerns, and love that you sent my way though- I appreciated it very much. I'll try not to vent so hard core next time so I don't freak anyone out again ;)

a little more in depth than you'd probably like to read...you may skip this post.

you know the saying "pull yourself up by your own boot straps" ?? I think I need new boot straps. I've got toys that need to be put away in their own place for the boys. I've got dishes to be done. I've got primary stuff to do. I've got releif society stuff to do. I've got floors that should be vaccumed. I've got wood floors that should be mopped. Let's not even talk about the fact that there's a pile of laundry that I beleive is so big it could be inhabited by a small family of midgets as a nice size dwelling. I've got so much to do and I don't even know where to start- let alone get to it. So where does one get new boot straps? I keep feeling overwhelmed- I'd like to just feel whelmed, not over whelmed. I'm not asking to have all my jobs taken away, just some of them. I keep thinking I want to run away to the temple for a bit- but then it's all there when I get back. I want to escape for a while and read but the boys tend to enjoy a good meal 3 times a day, not including how often I have to eat... I think I've hit the duldrums. Isn't that from a dr. suess book? I just think I'm not cut out for this play that I'm in. This part seems like it's too big for me. I know the lord keeps reminding me that I'm exactly where I need to be right now in sweet tender mercies, but I feel like I'm ready to be carried, not just boyed up ya know? I sometimes wonder whether or not the pioneers had any moments where they just sat down on the side of the trail and asked to be carried. Or whether the lord just sent the angels to carry them before they asked? I'm not sure. I do know that my sweet jack, corban, and gabe are just the best at trying to cheer me up-but I'm just not feeling like being cheered up. I feel like if I'm cheered up about my situation I'm saying it's dumb that I was frustrated, and upset about it in the first place. When in fact all my worries, stressors, and to do lists are all quite crucial in their own way. On top of all this there are things I'd LOVE to be doing but don't feel like I can allow myself to do because my other things I should be doing aren't getting done. It doesn't really help too much when loving friends and neighbors look at me like I'm crazy while I'm chasing my two boys knowing that I have a third little person on the way. Or when they say "man you're brave" I don't feel brave. I feel very small. I feel very inadequate for this job. I feel so scared when they comment "you're going to have your hands full." going to nothing- my hands are already full. sometimes I wonder if anyone has actually exploded from stress...people always talk about it "my head's going to explode" blah blah blah but really? am I going to explode? if so, I don't think that boot straps are going to help at all in that situation. I'm pretty sure most of my feelings of inadequacy are being inflated by the emotional roller coaster that is pregnancy, but the basis for inadequacy is always there to some extent. The times I feel the least inadequate is while I'm doing hair, or watching corban help gabe with something- and being a sweet brother, and gabe is being sweet back. That gives me gratification. here's the catch. I don't feel like accepting very many appointments successively because of the awesome nausea every day. somehow having someone do your hair while "almost throwing up" a few times doesn't scream "AWESOME experience" to me. maybe I need therapy. if I went into my dreams I have each night I'm sure you'd probably say yes. who knows. maybe I'll try to do a little bit of something for myself and see if that helps. wow...I feel a little awkward publishing this post but It was helpful to write it all down and make all my feelings visible in text. hitting publish post will just help me get it off my chest. right?

must. stop. complaining...

I am going to try to do more service and less complaining. help me remember not to complain. here's a list of things I should remember before complaining:

• We have a great roof over our heads.
• We have wonderful friends, family, and neighbors.
• We're all healthy. No body-ravishing diseases, unless you count pregnancy ;)
• We have food in our basement and our fridge.
• We don't have to worry about where or when our next paycheck will come.
• We know the church of Jesus Christ of Latter Day Saints is true.
• We have at least one car (sometimes even 2~!) that works 100% of the time.
• We work hard to be good parents- and even though it's harder to be a good parent than a lazy bad one- it's worth it.

I need a new mantra. something like: I'm greatful for everything. even my nausea. (people keep telling me that a sick mommy means a healthy baby...that was bad planning on a man's part I'm sure...)

what do you think?

my keyboard's sticky...

all because we made fruit loop bracelets one night while jack was ushering at thanksgiving point...

they kind of LOVED them.

now when I fill gabe's snack cup with fruit loops he somehow procures a pipe cleaner and brings it to me with his fruit loops. he insists that I put his fruit loops on so he can bite them off- instead of just eating them. I've got to find his stash of pipe cleaners... my hands are sticky- and thus my keyboard and mouse are sticky. Somehow paying bills at the computer and putting up with sticky keys makes it 10 times worse. don't think I don't wipe it down, because I do, but when he does it multiple times during one bill pay sitting- it gets old. my goofy gabe. love that guy.

reasoning

I haven't been posting. I haven't wanted to complain about how crummy I feel whilst preggo, and yet that's all I can seem to talk about when I feel like vomiting 99% of the day, dealing with heartburn with the fire of a thousand suns, and sleepless nights full of horrific nightmares. That being said- today I woke up and felt much better than I've felt in quite a while! We trimmed the boys hair and bathed them last night so they woke up clean, trimmed and looking happy. I also don't have anything on my schedule for the day so I don't have any stress about getting something done by a certain time. I'm looking forward to a fun day with just playing with my kids! who'da thunk.

Anyway I've had a few random photos that I've wanted to post like this one:

I know it's a bad photo- but can you at least tell that this is the back of one of those HUGE like 11 passenger vans? Can you also see that the entire back two windows are covered with those "family member" stickers? one for each member of the family? and there were about 6 cat/dog stickers as well? the license plate says FMLYVAN. wow. good for them. I just don't have that kind of patience! I can't even imagine. random- but I had to share.

and this one.
these are my strawberry plants I planted this spring. I had one that I transplanted- then added three more. They aren't producing much. Mostly because we have a lot of robins that apparently LOVE snitching up the strawberries as soon as they're slightly pink so I don't even get a shot at them! Don't call me crazy- I've seen it! they come in the morning, stare at the bushes, swoop in and steal it, fly over to a little section of grass and gobble it all up. I'm pretty miffed as strawberries are my FAVORITE THING EVER. super lame. I did however get to eat some sugar snap peas out of our garden yesterday. they were sweet and delicious. my poor garden is really really behind this year so don't hate me for finally getting some peas in the middle of july.

that's about all- it's time to get playin with my boys :) have a good one.

ps. another detrimental side effect to pregnancy is that I feel very unsocial most of the time- it's not that I don't like playdates or hangin with girl friends- it's that I feel overwhelmed at the thought of getting up and ready by a certain time and getting the boys all ready to go someplace. I always enjoy myself once I'm out and about and I usually feel fine (as fine as pregnancy allows me to feel) and end up having a great time. so if you feel like doing something- don't wait for me to call because I probably won't. But you're welcome- encouraged even- to call us :) I'm putting jack in charge of any evening dinner parties during this summer- just know that anytime he talks about getting together he's probably serious but needs some coaxing as to when to actually schedule the fun times ;)

loves

Happy Fourth!

Jimi Hendrix National Anthem

M£ØW (Robert) | MySpace Video

what a wonderful thing.

I LOVE it when you have some sort of ailment or pain in the rear...(mine being pregnancy & not letting me eat pizza or doughnuts) and there's a medication out there that fixes it! I absolutely positively am grateful for medicine. I'm grateful for the people that devote their time, energy, and resources to making it progress. I am especially grateful for whoever figured out that taking Unisom and Vitamin B6 combined at night would combat nausea the following day! Who'da thunk ya know??? a sleeping aid coupled with a specific vitamin? anyway- I was able to enjoy my nachos during Eclipse tonight thanks to this mix. So thank you Internet void-if you know the person that came up with that duo- give them some good luck for me. :)

Just in case you're wondering what I could have possibly eaten without pizza or doughnuts...I consumed a crunch wrap supreme and a seven layer burrito. with FOUR packets of their tasty mild sauce. in one sitting. no joking. it's a Mexican baby.

and ps. eclipse was...good....had a lot of making out....lots of action...lots of bare man chest...and was pretty true to the book. I'd give it a strong B+ or A-. For those of you that like the twilight business. ;)

*tear*

this baby doesn't like pizza, breadsticks, doughnuts, or MAC & CHEESE...help me. someone. PLEASE. help. me.

I'll just go die in a whole now. I might bring my cell phone- text me if you find a cure.

some news.

*warning* complain & vent post to follow.

okay so lately I've been wanting to change my look up a bit. Tried doing a dark purpley color- it was fun for about a week. I wanted a change of shape to my hair- some texture and such. So in the spirit of trying to not bug my mom for another hair change (she's usually the wonderful sport to put up with me saying: "cut this hair here, this way, hold your hand this way..." yada yada.) I have a mega nasty cold that I hate and had cancelled a hair color appointment because I didn't want to get her sick. I had time, a babysitter, and all I needed was an appointment. I texted my cousin to see which girl she visits at a salon she loves. I didn't get a message back until after I *thought* I'd remembered the name and made an appointment at the WRONG SALON and left without getting her reply. (which was totally not her fault- she's working not staring at her phone waiting for me to text her...)

The salon I went to seemed cute/trendy/punky. The girl seemed nice. I told her- "I'm growing it out, it needs a new shape, and some texture so I can continue to grow it out, I don't want to lose tons of length but I'm pretty open to options." So she starts hacking away. Huge pieces of my hair fall to the floor. Needless to say I hate it. I hate what she did to my hair. She chopped CHUNKS out of my freaking hair. I have little chunky long pieces and short pieces ALL OVER. Example of what I'm talking about: I come home and ask corban how he likes my crazy new cut. He responds: "it's cute. I like it. Oh, but she missed some back here- you need to cut that." (while he tenderly grabs the piece he wants me to cut off so I'm sure not to miss what he's saying) it looks like the way a 16 yr old emo kid would want their hair cut. you know? something that I would talk you OUT of doing??? So frustrating.

For me, cutting hair is easy. I like making people feel confident about their hair and how they look. It's easy for me to look at a face shape and know what will help and what will hurt them from achieving their ideal look. I hate it when it's not easy for someone else. I hate it that I can't just do my own hair so I don't have to mess with psycho's that don't know what they're doing *trying* to be artsy on my head rather than doing something that is a hairstyle I can be proud of. agh. I'll post pictures I guess- it's just that terrible...

Do you see the two chunks haning down the two sides of my neck???

nice. not.

what the eff is that???

vent over.

P.S. my mom's coming out to help me fix the issue on top of my shoulders. aka: my hair style?? plan on seeing me with short choppy pixie cut again because this cruddy style isn't going to fly. Bon Voyage ugly.

Gabe

My sweet Gabe. I love my Gabe. He's a laugh a minute. And usually surprising me just as often when he lets us see little glimpses of just how smart he is. He doesn't talk much. well...let me rephrase- doesn't talk in English much. He definitely talks- it isn't just always English. He's very very musical. He copies tones he hears in phrases and repeats those tones when he wants to use that same phrase. One of his big ones he likes is saying "Don't Touch" and shaking his fist at you or pointing angrily at you. He also does some great baby cussing...shouts complete non-sense but you know he's trying to swear at you ha ha.




The reason for this post, however, is his latest completely shocking progression. Yesterday while cleaning up from our California trip I heard Gabe go into the bathroom and move the toilet seat.(Oh no.) I rush in there but while I'm turning the corner I hear him moving corban's bathroom stool. He had lifted the toilet seat (both the lid and seat) and moved the stool up in front of the toilet like corban does when he needs to pee. Gabe was trying to climb up onto the stool to stand in front of the toilet. HE WAS TRYING TO PEE IN THE TOILET! let me remind you that boys are usually potty train around 3 yrs old. Corban was younger because he saw his cousin go standing up and wanted to do it that way too. Gabe is 16 months old. I thought maybe this was just a one time thing but later in the evening we went up to my folks house to celebrate fathers day with my dad since we were out of town and he did it again!!! oh man. now if he just figures out what it feels like when he needs to pee....we'll be in business. well- he'll be in business. who knows- maybe potty training this little guy will be easy. **thinking positively**

P.S. I love doing hair.

have I mentioned that I love what I do??? Because I do. I really really do. I counted in my phone book how many clients I've got- it's around 40!! Here's why I love it:

• I love talking with people
• I really like hearing about their problems (sounds weird but hear me out. I like it for two reasons: both to help-let them get it out, and keep my life in perspective)
• I enjoy getting to know NEW people!
• I LOVE getting to make someone feel good about themselves!!
• I HAVE to be able to make my own schedule.
• I can change my schedule around what my family needs are in a moments notice (because I have the best clientelle on the face of the planet)
• I get to be a mom~AND~a hair magician.

THE END

now I just need a hair sink...

amanda's amazing diet.

Not...

So in the past couple weeks I've had a major nasty stomach flu and a major case of strep. When I'm sick I don't eat. When I'm starting to feel better, I don't feel like eating so portions are extremely small. It usually takes me about a week to get back to eating everything in sight again. So lets do the math: in may I got the stomach flu shortly after my boys had it.

It emptied out my entire body of any food that had or hadn't been eaten in the last week. the next week I was starting to eat agian. the week after that was so busy I recall missing more than one meal. The week after that was even more busy meaning missing even more meals-but when I did eat it wasn't nutricious at all. That following weekend (memorial day weekend) I got strep- really really awesomelly bad strep.

Agian- I survive on about 500-900 calroies/day when I get sick. Now I am just not ready to eat much again.

Last night was Daniel's high school graduation from Viewmont High School. (WAY TO GO DANIEL!!!)

I didn't know what to wear. I decided to look in a part of my closet that contains random peices of clothing such as maternity, WAY too small to ever fit in again, and stuff that isn't my favorite and should probably go to DI. Just because I'm a glutton for punishment I decided to try on my skirt that I wore as a going away outfit after my wedding. Let me remind you of the fact that I was working at Express and had access to really cute- really tiny clothes for a fraction of the regular price. Lo and behold it fit. The stinking cute skirt fit! an express size 2!!! I was pretty proud. for a second. then I realized how unhealthy my lifestyle has been for the past month. Sad. 5 years + two kids/pregnancies and the way I get back into this cute thing is by getting ill and starving. Lame. So all in all I feel like I need to eat healthier, put good in, get good out sort of thing. Also I want to start doing really active things with the kids this summer! walks! Parks! zoos! that sort of thing. no more starving because "I don't have time". Scouts honor. even though it was fun to wear that cute skirt agian.

Finished my kitchen drapes

I finally finished making drapes for my kitchen! I wanted to do them a while ago- but just didn't go and get it done. I found the fabric at Home Fabrics (red toile- my fav!) for about $4/yd and Tina GAVE me some lining fabric {thank you thank you thank you tina!!!}. Can you believe it?? My Drapes=el cheapo! I bought some drawer pull knobs to hang them with instead of a rod. The drawer pulls just needed to be put on a double sided screw thing that you just screw right into the wall after putting the knob on the one half. Wonderfully easy and cheap.

MMM MMM....CRAFTY. j/k.

So this is my mirror for my front room (without the glass of course). I got it at a garage sale for $10 last summer. I've loved it ever since. BUT it was a tiny ity bitty bit gold...j/k. it was a LOT gold. And so I give you...(drum roll please) the transformation! {thanks to the All Things Thrifty site for all the really easy tutorials and great ideas!!}

Before:

This is a close up of the center details Before:

This is a close up of the corner details Before:

After being Primed and Spray Painted with Krylon cream spray paint...

Close up of the paint... and my duck sheet/spray paint drop cloth...nice.

Ta Da!

Close up of the corner details after I glazed it with a black glaze :) do you love it???

Sorry it's not a better photo- it's a cell phone photo- I have been too lazy to charge my camera battery. And lets excuse the background of mess...

Our new car!

So one saturday afternoon I just started crunching some numbers on our car loan because I found a CHEAP honda pilot on ksl.com. Not thinking that we'd actually be able to afford any change seeing as how we're shooting to get OUT of debt this year. But curiosity pushed me to at least call our credit union. When I got off the phone with our credit union (America First Credit Union- only the best) I realized that we may be able to swing it! So we went and test drove the honda from ksl on monday night. It was awful. we opened the doors and a huge smoke smell smacked you right in the face. ME: "was the previous owner a smoker?" Shady dealer: "oh...um....I....uh....don't think so....uh...no?" Me: "they were, you can smell it. what would these circular burn marks be from if it wasn't from a cigarette??" shady dealer: "uhhhhh...no, those aren't burn marks.....no, they weren't smokers....you want to take it for a spin?" Me: "we'll drive it and talk it over." So we left and were totally grossed out by the smell. I just jokingly suggested visiting willey honda since we were close by. Jack went straight there in the car we were test driving. We got out and asked what they had to offer in the realm of 2004-2005 honda pilots. They had two. One that was more expensive and had more miles. The second one was cheaper, had less miles, and was a nicer model. It was cheaper because it had been in a small fender bender once upon a time but did not have a branded title (which means that the insurance company never had to be involved, nor the police because it was less than $500 damage.) So we drove the car back to the shady dealer's lot, picked up our accord, and drove back to willey honda. We test drove the cheaper, nicer model and fell in love. the end. just kidding. but we did buy the pilot and traded in our accord.

This is us saying by to our sweet honda accord... (please ignore my horrendous hair do...it was windy by the time we'd sealed the deal)

Man I love this smiley guy...

And this is our new car!!! (new to us at least.) it's a 2004 Honda Pilot EXL. Only the greatest suv ever manufactured. It happened to be the exl model which has leather seats, AND the best part??? an adjustable middle row so that the back row can seat people that are older than 6 yrs old or midgets. what-what? seats 8??? yeah baby. yeah. it even switches to four wheel drive if it starts raining, or notices a change in traction! I'm a happy woman. AND!! we're paying $4 less a month in total for our accord because A: better percentage rates right now. B: it's less $$ on the insurance because it's less of a theft risk or something. boo yah.

thanks crummy economy....you made this somewhat possible. ;)

Disaster struck

So the boys have colds. I stayed home from church with them and decided to throw some yummy crock pot stuff together so jack would come home to yummy smelling food...lets just put it this way...it was a good idea. The end. Who would have thought that boneless pork spare ribs would burn to an absolute CRISP on low for 8 hrs? I apparently did not. The boys insisted on eating them (I seriously have to question their brain function because of this fact) even though they were the consistency of beef jerky and about the same moisture level too. I made some potatoe stuff too...wasn't the best either. I think I'm going to stop cooking for a while...Jack's better at it anyway.

ps. I made a cake for dessert to make up for the crappy dinner. I just frosted it. it's slightly heaven. however. dinner still stunk big time.

Scouts honor...

is that allowed to "scouts honor" something if you're a girl and were never even a girl scout??? oh well. What's done is done. anyway. I solemly "Scouts Honor" swear that I'll have a mega sweet giant post soon. promise.
love
amanda

No Holds Pine Wood Derby

So we had a Ward No Holds Pine Wood Derby! It was such a hoot! I loved seeing all the different cars and who was serious about it and who let there kids do most of the work :). I loved it. Anyway I thought I should show off the cars for our family!

Gabe & I's Lugger. Gabe helped by laughing when I'd do something wrong or silly.

Gabe and I's Lugger took SECOND place to Gillian's 3 Master Pieces. She's definitely got the skillz for pine wood derby races! I was totally flattered to come in just behind Gillian. *hat's off to you girl!*

Here's Corban's Skate Board. We let him pick out some super hero stickers to put on it. (they were even holographic). He very specifically wanted the Iron Man sticker to be right in the middle of the car but off to the side...very artistic.

He insisted that the bottom of his skate board needed to be green. Even though it was mostly covered with weights. He picked out the spray paint for it.

Jack's lovely Mormon mini van. (it's actually a brick...like a cement brick that he hammered into pieces and taped the outside together) Unfortunately his car was not able to participate fully. A child dropped his car right before the actual races and busted off the wheels in such a way that it couldn't be repaired. Although- his car DID smoke mine & Gabe's in a test run before everyone was there that evening, so perhaps he could have put up a fight against Gillian's speeding bullets.

Thanks

Thanks for all the feedback on the kitty question! I think I have some aspects to consider a bit more before making a final decision. I'm a person that thinks and stews about something before going for it- especially when it comes to big purchases or someone cutting bangs :P . With my boys being so stinking sick this week I haven't had much time to think about it.
This brings me to my next point. My boys have been getting sick a lot lately so I am making a new regulation for my salon. I will no longer allow children that aren't receiving hair services to come to play during a parent's or siblings appointment. They may sit in the front room with the parent and/or sibling but may not enter the rest of the house. I can't continue cancelling appointments due to my children's risk of infecting your children with whatever they're suffering from. I still reserve the right to cancel in order to care for my children, however, if they are well enough to have a sitter I can still do appointments. Also I feel that if I am paying someone to watch my children it is unfair to that sitter to be asked to watch extra kids without extra pay. Sorry for any inconvenience this may cause but it is something that had to change. We made it through a long winter of cancellations, changes, and rescheduling and I think this will help with your schedule and mine. I appreciate your business, your friendship, and all your kids. Thanks again for letting me do what I love.

kitty? or no kitty?

I want a kitty. There. I said it. I've missed my kitty since I moved out of the house after high school. I'm terrified for the safety/well being of said future kitty because of my boys. However, they LOVE my kitty that still lives at my mom's house. Even though she's old, probably mostly blind, and kind of skittish in her old age, they're quite soft and sweet to her. Also I found these totally amazing things called SoftPaws so I don't have to worry about scratching! {totally go see the site- it's so funny looking and I love it! it's like a kitty-mani. They come in all sorts of colors.}

Anyway, the reason for the post is this: vote. tell me yay or nay and your reasoning! I really really want one. here are my pros: I miss having a kitty around. I love how sweet and usually very intuitive all my cats have been. cons: jack's not a huge cat person (but he insists that he's ready for a cat), I worry about my kids (either torturing it or getting hurt by the kitty in self defense), I worry about having an inside cat + salon in my house....please vote. I need some opinions here.
amanda

PS-there are plenty of FREE kitties on ksl that are declawed, spayed/neutered, adults or kittens. vote on those options too...

Happy *late* easter post.

This is how I know my hubby loves me. This is my easter "basket" that he constructed for me.

Yes- those are boxes of peeps my friends.

The base of the basket was a box of graham crackers. Why you ask is there graham crackers and chocolate chips??? Indoor smores of corse. duh.

Here's the construction process: First cover a baking sheet with foil- easy clean up. Turn on your oven to about 300.

• One graham cracker half (or you can use saltines- which are VERY NICE as well)
• Several chocolate chips (about 10 or so to get a good chocolatey base)
• One peep

Bake at 300 for about 5 min. {keep a close eye because if the peep expands too much it will fall over sideways and that's a hot sticky mess to fix.} if you want them to bake longer so you can clean up dinner while they're baking turn the oven down to 250- if you want them done asap turn it up. it's not rocket science but it's a really yummy snack. enjoy your toasty peeps. yum yum.

I do hair.

This is polly. I love polly. She's darling. This. Is. Her. Hair.

Before:

This is when you "comb" it out. But you can't call it combing out when you can't run a comb through it. Each individual hair on her hair is really a zig zag shape. Not a tiny curl- a zig zag. A tiny itsy bitsy zig-zag.

This is after we're all done.
Ta. and Da.

Trust me now?

love,

amanda