Some people would prefer I not talk about this.
If your child were farsighted- would you tell your child to not tell people they can't see well? Or not wear their glasses because someone might find out that they have a disability?
Some people would prefer I not "label" my child.
Other kids already know that Corban is different. Adding a name to WHY he's different doesn't change the fact that they know he's different.
Some people say I shouldn't tell Corban that he is ADHD.
Would it be better that he just use his imagination to figure out a reason why he can't sit still like other kids his age? Or listen to instructions as well? Kids will come up with reasons like: I'm just dumb. I'm just not as good. I can't learn. Corban has a RIGHT to know that he is SMART and that his brain just functions differently.
Some people say there's no reason for a child to be on medication.
If your child were diabetic would you withhold the vital medication to make your child whole?
Some people say that he can't be ADHD because he's smart.
ADHD isn't a "dumb" disorder. Albert Einstein was ADHD.
Let me say this: Jack and I love our children. We would do anything for them. That includes helping them be able to thrive in this world, in school, in church, and with friends. We have taught them numerous things such as manners, self discipline, academic things like letters, words, numbers, colors, shapes, and about the gospel. We are now seeking help from professionals that can teach us how to further teach them how to cope with being ADHD. We are not experts on this topic. We will read the research on different treatment methods. We are tirelessly spending the small amounts of "free time" we have when the kids are in bed reading as much as we can on this topic. If medication is necessary for our children to be able to grow mentally, emotionally, and spiritually then that is what we will do in combination with teaching them the skills that they will need in life. Putting a child on medication to treat ADHD doesn't solve everything, it just levels the playing field so they can learn like other children. Medication will not teach a child how to keep their room clean or use words instead of violence- But it will help them slow down in order to think before reacting. It can change their response from: Ready! Fire! Aim! to Ready! Aim! Fire! Corban needs help. We will find it for him. We will fight for his right to be able to achieve everything he wants to achieve. We will provide him the opportunities to reach as high as he can. He is a very smart kid- he's learning Chinese for pete's sake.
We thank you all for your support and kind words. We welcome any positive thoughts, and current research that you may come across in learning about ADHD. We are excited to have a direction to go to help Corban become the best he can be.
with love
amanda and jack
Saturday, April 30, 2011
Wednesday, March 30, 2011
nice.
blogger deleted all my followed blogs....now I feel so cut off from people! really lame- but true. oh well...something to do later I guess. Anyway...this is how much I despise doing dishes. Today I have: cleaned the boys room, changed all of gabe's bedding, folded their laundry, put it away, made breakfast, fed chloe like a billion times, made a growth chart for the boys to mark their growing progress on, made pancakes for lunch with homemade cider syrup (yummers), washed my cabinets in the kitchen, scrubbed the walls in the kitchen, read some books with the boys, and played a running around crazy game (corban's name of the game- not mine). ALL without doing the dishes...think I'm avoiding them??? and ps jack's now the 2nd councilor in the bishopric. he's my dish fairy...now what do I do??? pps. we really feel blessed by this calling- I know this sounds selfish but I needed him to get this calling for the blessings that will accompany his/our sacrifice- that way I can accomplish more :) So no sympathy please!
Wednesday, March 23, 2011
Chloe's Blessing
The single most gorgeous blessing dress of the century...and my mom made it. She's so so so so so talented. and she's my mom. neener neener.
She was totally zonked by the time we were taking our own pictures. I'll have to see if my fabulous professional photog can resize some of the good ones so I can add them. Enjoy these ones for now :)
a long shot- just so you can see how fabulous it really was. kind of delicious don't you think?
love
amanda
Reasons the Church is totally true.
1. Because it really is. just ask for yourself. seriously.
2. Because our Heavenly Father loves and cares about our problems. Every. Single. One. of every. single. day.
3. (the reason for this post.) Because we have prophets to receive revelation about things we need help with. Exhibit A: The article in April's ensign: Facing infertility with faith. I admonish anyone with access to a computer or the hard copy of the ensign to read it. Become aware of the families suffering heartache with this trial. Be sensitive and understanding. And for the love of all that is good and holy STOP asking people "when are you going to have a baby?" or "when are you going to have another one?" or "don't you want a baby?". Those are all questions of EXTREME sensitivity, and are intimately personal. Don't try to pretend you're joking because it's not a funny subject.
Lately it seems that I have been exposed to, or just hyper-aware, of many families that are having trouble conceiving, not ready for kids, or having trouble adopting. here's my story.
Some of you know, and some of you do not, that we were quite satisfied with just having two boys. So satisfied, in fact, that I went out and made MEGA awesome 72 hr kits for our little fab four some. I could see myself as the cool mom with two cool boys. I could see us taking trips and having a blast and not worrying about needing bigger cars, or costing too much to travel. I didn't have to spend wads and wads of green in every store that had cute girl clothes. We felt good about it. We decided we needed to go to the temple last April to tell the lord of our decision. We were instantly comforted, and reprimanded so to speak. One of the reasons I was excited to call our family complete is the fact that I deeply abhor being pregnant. It really truly is miserable for me. I'm glad for those of you that love it to little bits and pieces but that's not the case for mrs. larsen. We felt the spirit telling us that we needed to stretch further. Another child was waiting for us. now. don't wait. Stop whining. you can do this. I know its hard- but this is the reason you're a woman-that you're you.
Really. this is what we came home knowing. We didn't know why it was us and not someone else. I was scared, but comforted in knowing that it was precisely what was supposed to happen to our family. I didn't want to talk to anyone. I knew of no less than 10 close friends and family members that wanted desperately to have a baby- had been trying for a baby, praying for a baby. here I was feeling like I was complete with the children I had. We took a leap of faith and trusted that the lord knew what he was doing. By May I was pregnant. Many times I tried to avoid people because I knew of the heartache they were already suffering and I didn't want to add to it by announcing that we were expecting. I realized shortly into my pregnancy that maybe I just needed to be honest with everyone around me- I think it would have made it worse to just show up with a belly one day or to hear it through the grape vine. I started being honest with myself first. We were doing what the lord had planned for us and we shouldn't be ashamed, scared, or sorry for it. Prophets of old didn't apologize for bugging people before preaching the word of god, and following what he'd commanded them to do. Missionaries the world over don't knock on a door and say "oh, hi, sorry to bug you but we've got a message for you..."
So here we are- a family of five. Corban is too smart for his own good. Gabe is more the strong, follow the leader even if it's off the side of a cliff...type. and Chloe is giving us a run for our money-metaphorically and literally. We are stressed to the max most days but I guess that's okay. We know we're supposed to be here. in magna. right now. with all the craziness that seems to gravitate towards this little corner of the globe. with all the scariness that we'd rather not have around us. For whatever reason we're supposed to be pulled and stretched and pushed. We're doing our best to get a grip on what's important each day and take it one day at a time. If I look like a total wreck-please don't tell me- I know I look like a mess. That's what doing the important things takes right now. I'm focusing on my children more and less on everything else. I'm working on attaining more patience, and less worry. I want my children to grow up knowing that they had my attention any time they wanted it! and most of the times that they don't! I know that it's not easy...oh boy it's not easy...but it'll be worth it. I don't have to worry about what's happening down the road because we're not the ones driving. Thanks for listening.
love
amanda
ps. to anyone reading this, the lord hears your prayers, even the ones you don't say, the ones of your aching heart. let him in to comfort you. let him drive your family to where it needs to be. he's the one that knows the way you will be MOST happy in this life. promise.
2. Because our Heavenly Father loves and cares about our problems. Every. Single. One. of every. single. day.
3. (the reason for this post.) Because we have prophets to receive revelation about things we need help with. Exhibit A: The article in April's ensign: Facing infertility with faith. I admonish anyone with access to a computer or the hard copy of the ensign to read it. Become aware of the families suffering heartache with this trial. Be sensitive and understanding. And for the love of all that is good and holy STOP asking people "when are you going to have a baby?" or "when are you going to have another one?" or "don't you want a baby?". Those are all questions of EXTREME sensitivity, and are intimately personal. Don't try to pretend you're joking because it's not a funny subject.
Lately it seems that I have been exposed to, or just hyper-aware, of many families that are having trouble conceiving, not ready for kids, or having trouble adopting. here's my story.
Some of you know, and some of you do not, that we were quite satisfied with just having two boys. So satisfied, in fact, that I went out and made MEGA awesome 72 hr kits for our little fab four some. I could see myself as the cool mom with two cool boys. I could see us taking trips and having a blast and not worrying about needing bigger cars, or costing too much to travel. I didn't have to spend wads and wads of green in every store that had cute girl clothes. We felt good about it. We decided we needed to go to the temple last April to tell the lord of our decision. We were instantly comforted, and reprimanded so to speak. One of the reasons I was excited to call our family complete is the fact that I deeply abhor being pregnant. It really truly is miserable for me. I'm glad for those of you that love it to little bits and pieces but that's not the case for mrs. larsen. We felt the spirit telling us that we needed to stretch further. Another child was waiting for us. now. don't wait. Stop whining. you can do this. I know its hard- but this is the reason you're a woman-that you're you.
Really. this is what we came home knowing. We didn't know why it was us and not someone else. I was scared, but comforted in knowing that it was precisely what was supposed to happen to our family. I didn't want to talk to anyone. I knew of no less than 10 close friends and family members that wanted desperately to have a baby- had been trying for a baby, praying for a baby. here I was feeling like I was complete with the children I had. We took a leap of faith and trusted that the lord knew what he was doing. By May I was pregnant. Many times I tried to avoid people because I knew of the heartache they were already suffering and I didn't want to add to it by announcing that we were expecting. I realized shortly into my pregnancy that maybe I just needed to be honest with everyone around me- I think it would have made it worse to just show up with a belly one day or to hear it through the grape vine. I started being honest with myself first. We were doing what the lord had planned for us and we shouldn't be ashamed, scared, or sorry for it. Prophets of old didn't apologize for bugging people before preaching the word of god, and following what he'd commanded them to do. Missionaries the world over don't knock on a door and say "oh, hi, sorry to bug you but we've got a message for you..."
So here we are- a family of five. Corban is too smart for his own good. Gabe is more the strong, follow the leader even if it's off the side of a cliff...type. and Chloe is giving us a run for our money-metaphorically and literally. We are stressed to the max most days but I guess that's okay. We know we're supposed to be here. in magna. right now. with all the craziness that seems to gravitate towards this little corner of the globe. with all the scariness that we'd rather not have around us. For whatever reason we're supposed to be pulled and stretched and pushed. We're doing our best to get a grip on what's important each day and take it one day at a time. If I look like a total wreck-please don't tell me- I know I look like a mess. That's what doing the important things takes right now. I'm focusing on my children more and less on everything else. I'm working on attaining more patience, and less worry. I want my children to grow up knowing that they had my attention any time they wanted it! and most of the times that they don't! I know that it's not easy...oh boy it's not easy...but it'll be worth it. I don't have to worry about what's happening down the road because we're not the ones driving. Thanks for listening.
love
amanda
ps. to anyone reading this, the lord hears your prayers, even the ones you don't say, the ones of your aching heart. let him in to comfort you. let him drive your family to where it needs to be. he's the one that knows the way you will be MOST happy in this life. promise.
Wednesday, March 9, 2011
Ring around the Rosies...
Pocket full of Posies,
Ashes.
Ashes.
we all fall down.
the midwife is charging us the full amount of her delivery cost. $1400. no joke. I brought it up to her at my follow up appointment. Her reason for not lessening the charge (I'm not asking for a freebie here I just don't think I should be getting charged for a service that wasn't performed) was that she has to pay $400-$500 per delivery to cover her malpractice insurance- k...so let me just pay the malpractice cost so you get nothing. duh. I hate money. I feel like I'm spinning and spinning and about to fall down. but I have to pretend not to stress about it or my sweet husband gets all down on life and stresses even more. so shhhh. this little vent will be our little secret. night.
*Edit*
Yes my insurance covers her services-That's something I made sure of before hand...a lot of good that's doing me though... they are applying $850 to my deductible, then we have to cover 20% after that on the remaining balance.
Ashes.
Ashes.
we all fall down.
the midwife is charging us the full amount of her delivery cost. $1400. no joke. I brought it up to her at my follow up appointment. Her reason for not lessening the charge (I'm not asking for a freebie here I just don't think I should be getting charged for a service that wasn't performed) was that she has to pay $400-$500 per delivery to cover her malpractice insurance- k...so let me just pay the malpractice cost so you get nothing. duh. I hate money. I feel like I'm spinning and spinning and about to fall down. but I have to pretend not to stress about it or my sweet husband gets all down on life and stresses even more. so shhhh. this little vent will be our little secret. night.
*Edit*
Yes my insurance covers her services-That's something I made sure of before hand...a lot of good that's doing me though... they are applying $850 to my deductible, then we have to cover 20% after that on the remaining balance.
Sunday, February 20, 2011
here goes nothin-my hellish delivery story...
Hi. Sorry- been a bit busy the last few months...what with having a baby and all that jazz. anywho- as promised I will share this horrendous labor and delivery story with you. It will be super long and I totally get it if no one reads it but it needed to get written down.
***Moms that have been there done this shouldn't be too off put by this story- but I can't speak for ladies that haven't gone through it yet. Don't read it if you're a person that stresses too much over other's experiences.
Please note- I waited a month to do this post on purpose- so as to calm myself down and not be quite as mad about this experience. Any left over frustration you read in this post is totally earned and I have a right to be mad about it. (you'll see why.)
Monday Jan. 24th-37 wks and 3 days
I have an appointment with my midwife. First we discuss the details of my birth plan to make sure we're on the same page. Things like: no epidural, no stirrups, don't want to be strapped to the monitors longer than necessary- I want to be able to be mobile, and no checking unless really necessary *just remember that last one- count the number of times I get checked*. She also tells me that she'll come to the hospital when I'm at a 5 dilation to help with the laboring and make sure I've got the support I need to follow my birth plan and ensure that labor goes smoothly enough that I don't tear too badly. She tells me that when going through labor naturally there's no reason that I should worry about tearing at all- "she's going to prevent the tearing." Then she notes that I'm at a 4 dilation, and 70% effaced. So we talk options- after all I can't be waddling around totally dilated without worrying that a baby is going to fall out... Plus the fact that I'm group b strep positive so we don't want labor to go too quickly or we wouldn't get the full dose of antibiotic into my system for the baby. She says that we have two options- wait until I go into labor on my own- hustle into the hospital as soon as I know I'm in labor with contractions about 5 min apart and get the group b strep going and just hope that I get one full dose in before having the baby, Or plan a day to go in to the hospital- start the antibiotic going, then break my water to get labor going as soon as a full dose is in. I know that I'm not going to be pregnant much longer so I go with the first option of going in as soon as labor starts- with the back up plan #2 if I haven't gone into labor by the following monday (knowing full well that I'm not going to make it that long). I leave the appointment excited about having a baby and meet up with my mom to look for fabric for a blessing dress for the baby on the way. Walking around a few fabric stores I notice I'm having stronger contractions every time we get back to the car and sit. I kept water handy to keep hydrated and I'd done bathroom breaks at each store so I knew these contractions weren't because of dehydration or a full bladder. When I decide it's time to head home I have several contractions strong enough to make me think it's starting. When I get home I call my midwife to let her know about the contractions and she suggests getting in the shower and relaxing to see if they go away. I took a bath and went to bed- they were still erratic in timing and only every once in a while were they really uncomfortable. By morning though it was a different story.
Tuesday Jan. 25, 37 wks 4 days
I had some pretty serious contractions starting around 4 am. Jack got up and ready for work at 5 and I told him he'd probably be coming home so he should keep his phone handy. By 6:30 am I knew she'd come that day. My contractions were between 4 and 8 min apart, and getting slightly uncomfortable. I called my mom and got her on her way to come get the boys. I called jack and told him to head home to get me. By 7 they were 5 min apart as I'm walking around getting everything ready. My sweet friend April came and watched the boys so jack and I could leave before my mom arrived. Outside it was snowing big fluffy cotton ball snowflakes- now I really knew that I'd have this baby today- both boys came during a snowy day. I get to the hospital and sit in an office to fill out paperwork...which was ridiculous. What about the ladies that aren't calm and kind during labor?? anyway- the office lady calls the delivery dept and says "hi ______, I've got a lady here that thinks she's in labor...yeah....okay room 203? thanks." click. Not kidding. She totally didn't believe that I was in labor without being a total psycho. The first of the day. We head down to the room they've assigned me and my first nurse slash ogre introduces herself and tells me to get into a hospital gown and we'll start monitoring the contractions and check the dilation. ***I say she was a nurse slash ogre for a few reasons 1. she was similar body type to shrek (mean I know- but just wait) 2. she was about as courteous as a hippo- the man eating kind 3. she had hands and arms as big around as a red wood tree trunk- remember this nurse is supposed to "check" me...big hands= not awesome.*** She tries to check my progress- I have no idea what she did but it wasn't the correct way to do it- that was more painful than some of my strongest contractions I had with gabe. I told her to stop and get someone else. The other nurse was much nicer- both in bedside manner and technique I was still at a 4 and 70. I told them they needed to start the antibiotics so my midwife would be able to come and break my water. They hmm'ed and haa'ed for a bit then left. They monitored me for an hour and decided that I needed to walk around for an hour to see if that would produce more progress. So we walked. I did stairs. I ate a granny b's pink cookie and went back to check the progress. While walking I was having contractions about every 2 min and they were about a min long. I knew if I could keep walking I'd move everything along pretty quickly. The ogre nurse says she'll get the other nurse to check me. I can tell she is getting testy about this whole thing. She asks if I'm doing an epidural- I say no. Her response? "Oh man, that last bit is pretty hard, I don't know if you want to do that" duh. at first I was speechless- what idiot did I get stuck with??? then I just turned to her then said "yeah, that's what I hear but I'm doing this naturally so don't talk to me anymore about pain meds- but you're welcome to give me any good advice on going naturally." At this point I'm at a 5 and they want to monitor me for another hour- where the freak is my midwife to help me adhere to my birth plan that says I don't need to be monitored so much??? The nurses have been calling her and telling her that I'm not really in active labor and that she doesn't need to come so she's happily seeing patients in her clinic. Every time I lay down to be monitored the contractions slow to 6 min apart- thus the part of my birth plan that says I want to be mobile! to keep things moving! At around 1 the ogre nurse comes back to tell me I haven't progressed enough to do anything other than discharge me. She says that my midwife wants me to leave and walk around target and have some lunch and come back to get checked by 2:30. Lets just say I was kinda miffed. Where was my antibiotics? where was my midwife? why weren't they listening to me? I had done this before- twice. I know what my body is telling me! So we left and walked around target and got some kneaders for lunch. While walking target the contractions are about a minute 30 apart and about a minute 30 long and I can't walk through them- each one I can feel that my body is trying to move the baby lower but cannot because my water hasn't broken *usual signs of advanced active labor right???* I head back to the hospital and I'm still at a 5 but I'm fully effaced now. What do they do?? yes. monitor me for an hour again. check me again- still at a 5 because no one can break my water- because I'm not at 38 weeks and they don't believe that I'm in active labor. idiots. after another hour of monitoring the second nurse comes in to check me again- still at a 5- maybe 6 but she thinks I should just go home and get some rest. I held it together until she left the room- then I fell apart. I was bawling. Why were they sending me home? Did they WANT me to have this baby in the car someplace? Why weren't they listening to me?! I could feel that my body was ready to have this baby right then but couldn't progress without my water breaking- and my water will not break on its own- it made it to a nine with gabe. She came back in and saw that I was a mess- bawling and talking to jack and she took pity on me and said that maybe she could keep me for one more hour. She had another nurse come in to check me *about 4:30*. The other nurse said I was at a 6 and that I should stay. I could finally tell them I wanted to be mobile and to unhook all the monitors. I was able to sit on a yoga ball and things progressed very quickly as soon as I was staying mobile and sitting on a yoga ball. They went ahead and started the IV for the antibiotics and we watched inception *great movie* while my contractions got stronger. As soon as the antibiotics were in my system *about 4:45 pm* they sent in a dr *at 5:20 ish* who was already in the delivery ward to check me and break my water I was at an 8 and 100%. As soon as he'd broken my water everything went really quickly. I was telling my nurse that they (the contractions) were getting serious and the baby was on her way. She just kept typing on her computer not really caring that I was telling her that she should get her butt in gear. I started getting really hardcore contractions that were moving the baby down the birth canal. I told the nurse that she was coming- instead of getting a dr or anyone she just started doing some counter pressure on my knees (which was heavenly I have to say) and talking me through the contractions. The second nurse of the day came in to see how I was doing and let me know that my midwife was just going to come after finishing her last two appointments *it's 6:00 pm*- yes I'm serious she was finishing her appointments....Anyway, the nurse saw that I was in severe discomfort and pain. She says she's going to check me AFTER I tell her that this baby is coming. hello. hello. anyone home? I just said this baby is coming and you want to check me instead? she checks me anyway. "oh! there's a head!" I'm thinking..."what have I been telling you people??? Have I been speaking Chinese???" She sends the nurse that was doing the counter pressure to go get someone- she comes back with a handful of nurses- no dr. not really smart. Then it's serious. This baby is coming- no dr in sight and no midwife and they position a nurse in the "catch position" as she says "oh, I've never done this part before" nice. I had Chloe in about 3 contractions (about 7 min) and was really happy to have her here in one piece even if I wasn't in one piece. no thanks to any of the staff at jordan valley or my midwife. The nurse that was there to catch hands jack the scissors to cut the umbilical chord before even clamping it off...luckily one of the other nurses saw this and stopped her before letting jack cut. All of the nurses were pretty much in shock and saying things like "wow...I've never seen someone progress that quickly" or "wow that was so fast" or "you get a gold star today for the fastest delivery". While they were all saying these things I'm wondering "was ANYONE listening when I told them I progress this quickly???" obviously not. As I'm holding my baby and they're kinda wandering around doing their stuff and trying to figure out what to do next my midwife walks in. "hi amanda. You had her? Oh shoot I missed it..." again DUH. All these people had been warned. I had told my midwife at every appointment that it'd go this quickly as soon as they break my water. I'd also told her that I'm a bleeder every time and to expect it at this delivery too. I'd told every nurse that had come into my room that it'd go that quickly once my water broke. No one listened. So my midwife suits up and sits down to deliver the placenta and assess the damage. Lovely. She delivers the placenta and starts stitching and beating my guts to a pulp. I was bleeding pretty badly for quite a while so she had to knead my stomach really deeply for close to an hour. As well as giving me large doses of pitocin. My stomach was so deeply bruised afterwards that my stomach just wasn't a happy person for well over a week after delivery- which is totally not the norm. On top of that I had torn very badly multiple places-inside and out- because of the stress of such a fast delivery and the lack of trained personnel there to help. I had to take large doses of Oxycontin and 800mg ibuprofen to deal with the pain. Nursing went really easily which was surprising. Chloe was just a natural at it so it worked out well for about the first 5 days. Then I got a splitting headache that wouldn't go away unless I was up on my Oxycontin- the huge doses of Ibpro. didn't touch the headache. I also had a fever and chills pretty badly and was just in a whole mountain of hurt. I read up on the symptoms of mastitis. I called my midwife and told her I thought I had mastitis (an infection that can happen when nursing) she didn't believe me and told me to go into an ER to get my blood pressure checked. not kidding. She thought the headache was from a blood pressure problem. I went in to an urgent care clinic and they went "yup. it's mastitis." blood pressure was totally normal by the way. They gave me a dose of antibiotics right then in the form of a butt shot- nice...add insult to injury, and an Rx for antibiotics. We asked the dr at the er to peek into chloe's mouth because we suspected that she had thrush. Sure enough- she had thrush. I had mastitis, she had thrush. So much fun. So that's it in a giant nut shell. My hellish experience finally having my little girl.
We're both finally better. We're both finally able to get through the day without pain. It took 3 and a half weeks but we're finally there. Now just to get the boys over their colds...
***Moms that have been there done this shouldn't be too off put by this story- but I can't speak for ladies that haven't gone through it yet. Don't read it if you're a person that stresses too much over other's experiences.
Please note- I waited a month to do this post on purpose- so as to calm myself down and not be quite as mad about this experience. Any left over frustration you read in this post is totally earned and I have a right to be mad about it. (you'll see why.)
Monday Jan. 24th-37 wks and 3 days
I have an appointment with my midwife. First we discuss the details of my birth plan to make sure we're on the same page. Things like: no epidural, no stirrups, don't want to be strapped to the monitors longer than necessary- I want to be able to be mobile, and no checking unless really necessary *just remember that last one- count the number of times I get checked*. She also tells me that she'll come to the hospital when I'm at a 5 dilation to help with the laboring and make sure I've got the support I need to follow my birth plan and ensure that labor goes smoothly enough that I don't tear too badly. She tells me that when going through labor naturally there's no reason that I should worry about tearing at all- "she's going to prevent the tearing." Then she notes that I'm at a 4 dilation, and 70% effaced. So we talk options- after all I can't be waddling around totally dilated without worrying that a baby is going to fall out... Plus the fact that I'm group b strep positive so we don't want labor to go too quickly or we wouldn't get the full dose of antibiotic into my system for the baby. She says that we have two options- wait until I go into labor on my own- hustle into the hospital as soon as I know I'm in labor with contractions about 5 min apart and get the group b strep going and just hope that I get one full dose in before having the baby, Or plan a day to go in to the hospital- start the antibiotic going, then break my water to get labor going as soon as a full dose is in. I know that I'm not going to be pregnant much longer so I go with the first option of going in as soon as labor starts- with the back up plan #2 if I haven't gone into labor by the following monday (knowing full well that I'm not going to make it that long). I leave the appointment excited about having a baby and meet up with my mom to look for fabric for a blessing dress for the baby on the way. Walking around a few fabric stores I notice I'm having stronger contractions every time we get back to the car and sit. I kept water handy to keep hydrated and I'd done bathroom breaks at each store so I knew these contractions weren't because of dehydration or a full bladder. When I decide it's time to head home I have several contractions strong enough to make me think it's starting. When I get home I call my midwife to let her know about the contractions and she suggests getting in the shower and relaxing to see if they go away. I took a bath and went to bed- they were still erratic in timing and only every once in a while were they really uncomfortable. By morning though it was a different story.
Tuesday Jan. 25, 37 wks 4 days
I had some pretty serious contractions starting around 4 am. Jack got up and ready for work at 5 and I told him he'd probably be coming home so he should keep his phone handy. By 6:30 am I knew she'd come that day. My contractions were between 4 and 8 min apart, and getting slightly uncomfortable. I called my mom and got her on her way to come get the boys. I called jack and told him to head home to get me. By 7 they were 5 min apart as I'm walking around getting everything ready. My sweet friend April came and watched the boys so jack and I could leave before my mom arrived. Outside it was snowing big fluffy cotton ball snowflakes- now I really knew that I'd have this baby today- both boys came during a snowy day. I get to the hospital and sit in an office to fill out paperwork...which was ridiculous. What about the ladies that aren't calm and kind during labor?? anyway- the office lady calls the delivery dept and says "hi ______, I've got a lady here that thinks she's in labor...yeah....okay room 203? thanks." click. Not kidding. She totally didn't believe that I was in labor without being a total psycho. The first of the day. We head down to the room they've assigned me and my first nurse slash ogre introduces herself and tells me to get into a hospital gown and we'll start monitoring the contractions and check the dilation. ***I say she was a nurse slash ogre for a few reasons 1. she was similar body type to shrek (mean I know- but just wait) 2. she was about as courteous as a hippo- the man eating kind 3. she had hands and arms as big around as a red wood tree trunk- remember this nurse is supposed to "check" me...big hands= not awesome.*** She tries to check my progress- I have no idea what she did but it wasn't the correct way to do it- that was more painful than some of my strongest contractions I had with gabe. I told her to stop and get someone else. The other nurse was much nicer- both in bedside manner and technique I was still at a 4 and 70. I told them they needed to start the antibiotics so my midwife would be able to come and break my water. They hmm'ed and haa'ed for a bit then left. They monitored me for an hour and decided that I needed to walk around for an hour to see if that would produce more progress. So we walked. I did stairs. I ate a granny b's pink cookie and went back to check the progress. While walking I was having contractions about every 2 min and they were about a min long. I knew if I could keep walking I'd move everything along pretty quickly. The ogre nurse says she'll get the other nurse to check me. I can tell she is getting testy about this whole thing. She asks if I'm doing an epidural- I say no. Her response? "Oh man, that last bit is pretty hard, I don't know if you want to do that" duh. at first I was speechless- what idiot did I get stuck with??? then I just turned to her then said "yeah, that's what I hear but I'm doing this naturally so don't talk to me anymore about pain meds- but you're welcome to give me any good advice on going naturally." At this point I'm at a 5 and they want to monitor me for another hour- where the freak is my midwife to help me adhere to my birth plan that says I don't need to be monitored so much??? The nurses have been calling her and telling her that I'm not really in active labor and that she doesn't need to come so she's happily seeing patients in her clinic. Every time I lay down to be monitored the contractions slow to 6 min apart- thus the part of my birth plan that says I want to be mobile! to keep things moving! At around 1 the ogre nurse comes back to tell me I haven't progressed enough to do anything other than discharge me. She says that my midwife wants me to leave and walk around target and have some lunch and come back to get checked by 2:30. Lets just say I was kinda miffed. Where was my antibiotics? where was my midwife? why weren't they listening to me? I had done this before- twice. I know what my body is telling me! So we left and walked around target and got some kneaders for lunch. While walking target the contractions are about a minute 30 apart and about a minute 30 long and I can't walk through them- each one I can feel that my body is trying to move the baby lower but cannot because my water hasn't broken *usual signs of advanced active labor right???* I head back to the hospital and I'm still at a 5 but I'm fully effaced now. What do they do?? yes. monitor me for an hour again. check me again- still at a 5 because no one can break my water- because I'm not at 38 weeks and they don't believe that I'm in active labor. idiots. after another hour of monitoring the second nurse comes in to check me again- still at a 5- maybe 6 but she thinks I should just go home and get some rest. I held it together until she left the room- then I fell apart. I was bawling. Why were they sending me home? Did they WANT me to have this baby in the car someplace? Why weren't they listening to me?! I could feel that my body was ready to have this baby right then but couldn't progress without my water breaking- and my water will not break on its own- it made it to a nine with gabe. She came back in and saw that I was a mess- bawling and talking to jack and she took pity on me and said that maybe she could keep me for one more hour. She had another nurse come in to check me *about 4:30*. The other nurse said I was at a 6 and that I should stay. I could finally tell them I wanted to be mobile and to unhook all the monitors. I was able to sit on a yoga ball and things progressed very quickly as soon as I was staying mobile and sitting on a yoga ball. They went ahead and started the IV for the antibiotics and we watched inception *great movie* while my contractions got stronger. As soon as the antibiotics were in my system *about 4:45 pm* they sent in a dr *at 5:20 ish* who was already in the delivery ward to check me and break my water I was at an 8 and 100%. As soon as he'd broken my water everything went really quickly. I was telling my nurse that they (the contractions) were getting serious and the baby was on her way. She just kept typing on her computer not really caring that I was telling her that she should get her butt in gear. I started getting really hardcore contractions that were moving the baby down the birth canal. I told the nurse that she was coming- instead of getting a dr or anyone she just started doing some counter pressure on my knees (which was heavenly I have to say) and talking me through the contractions. The second nurse of the day came in to see how I was doing and let me know that my midwife was just going to come after finishing her last two appointments *it's 6:00 pm*- yes I'm serious she was finishing her appointments....Anyway, the nurse saw that I was in severe discomfort and pain. She says she's going to check me AFTER I tell her that this baby is coming. hello. hello. anyone home? I just said this baby is coming and you want to check me instead? she checks me anyway. "oh! there's a head!" I'm thinking..."what have I been telling you people??? Have I been speaking Chinese???" She sends the nurse that was doing the counter pressure to go get someone- she comes back with a handful of nurses- no dr. not really smart. Then it's serious. This baby is coming- no dr in sight and no midwife and they position a nurse in the "catch position" as she says "oh, I've never done this part before" nice. I had Chloe in about 3 contractions (about 7 min) and was really happy to have her here in one piece even if I wasn't in one piece. no thanks to any of the staff at jordan valley or my midwife. The nurse that was there to catch hands jack the scissors to cut the umbilical chord before even clamping it off...luckily one of the other nurses saw this and stopped her before letting jack cut. All of the nurses were pretty much in shock and saying things like "wow...I've never seen someone progress that quickly" or "wow that was so fast" or "you get a gold star today for the fastest delivery". While they were all saying these things I'm wondering "was ANYONE listening when I told them I progress this quickly???" obviously not. As I'm holding my baby and they're kinda wandering around doing their stuff and trying to figure out what to do next my midwife walks in. "hi amanda. You had her? Oh shoot I missed it..." again DUH. All these people had been warned. I had told my midwife at every appointment that it'd go this quickly as soon as they break my water. I'd also told her that I'm a bleeder every time and to expect it at this delivery too. I'd told every nurse that had come into my room that it'd go that quickly once my water broke. No one listened. So my midwife suits up and sits down to deliver the placenta and assess the damage. Lovely. She delivers the placenta and starts stitching and beating my guts to a pulp. I was bleeding pretty badly for quite a while so she had to knead my stomach really deeply for close to an hour. As well as giving me large doses of pitocin. My stomach was so deeply bruised afterwards that my stomach just wasn't a happy person for well over a week after delivery- which is totally not the norm. On top of that I had torn very badly multiple places-inside and out- because of the stress of such a fast delivery and the lack of trained personnel there to help. I had to take large doses of Oxycontin and 800mg ibuprofen to deal with the pain. Nursing went really easily which was surprising. Chloe was just a natural at it so it worked out well for about the first 5 days. Then I got a splitting headache that wouldn't go away unless I was up on my Oxycontin- the huge doses of Ibpro. didn't touch the headache. I also had a fever and chills pretty badly and was just in a whole mountain of hurt. I read up on the symptoms of mastitis. I called my midwife and told her I thought I had mastitis (an infection that can happen when nursing) she didn't believe me and told me to go into an ER to get my blood pressure checked. not kidding. She thought the headache was from a blood pressure problem. I went in to an urgent care clinic and they went "yup. it's mastitis." blood pressure was totally normal by the way. They gave me a dose of antibiotics right then in the form of a butt shot- nice...add insult to injury, and an Rx for antibiotics. We asked the dr at the er to peek into chloe's mouth because we suspected that she had thrush. Sure enough- she had thrush. I had mastitis, she had thrush. So much fun. So that's it in a giant nut shell. My hellish experience finally having my little girl.
We're both finally better. We're both finally able to get through the day without pain. It took 3 and a half weeks but we're finally there. Now just to get the boys over their colds...
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The Larsens
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